I need to clarify the last entry. Graham is still very much in fight mode and has totally not thrown in the towel. Graham and I are very different when it comes to physical stamina and pain. So my view of the situation is not his. I can't stand the thought of him suffering. But for Graham, through all his training for cycling, he's used to the idea of physical stress and enduring through it. This cancer is the challenge of his life, and he feels up for it.
I'd like to think that if I were being tortured by Hamas or Al Qaeda, I'd hold strong. But if I were suffering pain from a disease and not for a cause? Just shoot me. And make it quick. But that's just me.
We have very different advance care directives. Mine basically says that if I drool, have a headache, and possibly just have a bad hair day, don't even think of resuscitating me. Graham's has very elaborate instructions about how badly he needs to be doing before treatment is stopped.
Graham used to love going on certain cycling trails BECAUSE they were hard. If it was scenic but not physically very difficult, it wouldn't be fun for him. To my mind, that's INSANE. Same for choosing a vacation where you ride in the blazing sun up and down crazy steep mountains for 10 days. Not my idea of a good time, but Graham LOVED it.
So please don't let my wimpy attitude give you the wrong impression of how Graham is feeling.
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3 comments:
Hi Lee---I can understand your previous despair. You have to remember though that Graham is brave and noble fighter. He is not about to give up, and neither should he. Where there is life, there is still hope. If I would pick anyone to beat this, it would be Graham. No matter what happens, Graham is still a winner because of the life he has led, and still continues to lead. May we all keep praying, just harder.
Graham & Lee,
You are both individuals with intense drive and committment to your causes. We and other share your pain. You do not have to apologize for your feelings. Graham has always risen to the challenge and is an inspiration to many. Lee, you are a determined and loyal spouse and caregiver. The disease has challenged you both emotionally and physically. We pray that Graham will be spared any undue pain, as the past months have already tested his will and character. He has met and breeched these hurdles and you have been there at his side. As they say "In sickness and health". Thanks for sahring this painful saga as it helps other feel connected with both of you.
With much love,
Howard & Paula
Lee and Graham,
You both are quite remarkable individuals with deep convictions and spirit. Graham is a brave and strong individual while you are an unbelievable spouse and support team. You should not have to feel bad for your feelings. This challenge has made you both stronger individuals. We pray that Graham will be spared any undue suffering as the past months have certainly tested his inner strength.
Thanks for sharing this brave and loneley saga. It truly helps us who are your friends feel connected to your challenges.
Howard & Paula
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