Boot Camp; Thanksgiving Mystery Meat

Manor Care is sort of like boot camp for the both of us. We wake up at the crack of dawn and do a lot of physical work throughout the day. We go to bed early, totally exhausted.

Graham is doing upper body exercises to strengthen his arm power and to train new trunk muscles to help him keep his balance. Just sitting in a chair is exhausting for him because it's using different muscles. Right now he's up to 90 minutes at a time before his back muscles start to completely rebel. He also does leg exercises with whatever muscles will still obey.

I'm being trained to take his legs through their whole range of motion to keep his muscles from tightening. This involves a lot of leg lifting and rotating. It's enjoyable for me to have an excuse to grab and fondle Graham's gorgeous legs, but it is a workout, because legs are pretty darn heavy. It's probably the most painful exercise for Graham unfortunately, because his muscles just love to be tight.

Thanksgiving...
We enjoyed a visit from John, Erika and their dog Shiloh. We took our first walk around the neighborhood and learned how to navigate sidewalks with the wheelchair.

After they left, I went to bring our dog Micki for a visit. She was so happy to see Graham! But he at first didn't want to let her up on the bed, so she just kept pacing and exploring the room, not settling down. Finally Graham let her join him in bed and she sighed with contentment and went to sleep snuggling in between his ankles, with her head on his leg.

Graham was given a very nice turkey lunch, which I thought was turkey overkill, since turkey dinner awaited us.

Graham's brother Gary joined us in the afternoon, and we eagerly awaited our Thanksgiving feast. Gary and I had ordered a guest meal, which they had labeled "Chef's choice." We took it for granted that it would be some kind of lavish turkey meal, so imagine our surprise when we found on our plate something that looked suspiciously like meatloaf. But no, it wasn't exactly ground beef, it was sort of in pieces. We still haven't determined what it was, but we knew for certain that it wasn't turkey. Turns out that the lunch was the turkey feast, and dinner was, well, a mystery. I did some pitiful pleading, though, and the kitchen kindly sent us some stellar turkey sandwiches. Gary had brought some cranberry relish and other goodies from his friend Jan, so in the end, we had our traditional meal. (Thanks, Jan!)

Hard to be fully joyful though on a day full of such terrible news about the terrorist attack in India. But we can be thankful that we live in a culture that cherishes freedom, life and intellectual curiosity, in contrast to the brutish culture of the totalitarian militant Islamist supremacists.

While we're sad for all the victims and their families, the attack against the Chabad house (the "Jewish Center") hit us more viscerally. Graham has relatives, Goldie and David, who are Chabad Lubavichers, and we remember the wonderful Sabbath dinners they would invite us (and dozens of others) to share at their home.

What the news reports haven't really explained is that Chabad doesn't seek to convert non-Jews; their goal is to bring Jews closer to Judaism. So they set up these small "centers" which are really nothing more than a home with a big dining room table, where Jews know they can go to find warm hospitality, services, interesting pressure-free discussions on topics such as kindness or how to live a meaningful life, and a fantastic Sabbath dinner with lots of singing.

Gavi and Rivka, the young rabbi and his wife who were slaughtered, left their family and friends in the United States to provide hospitality and synagogue services to Jewish backpackers and business people traveling in Mambai. It's totally pathetic that the Islamists would specifically target them. "That rabbi's wife cooks a tasty chicken. She's gotta go." But I guess killing Jews will ensure that the attack will be celebrated by many in the Muslim world who have been brainwashed to think of all Jews as evil. Sad, sad, sad that basically good people can be "educated" to believe such nonsense.

In memory of Gavi and Rivka and the many other victims, let's do an extra act of hospitality this week. Invite a new neighbor to dinner...go chat with an old neighbor you haven't seen in a while...send a Christmas or Hanukkah card to a soldier...roll your neighbor's garbage can back to his garage after garbage pickup...I'm gonna go chat with more of our "neighbors" down the hall.

Nurses to the rescue!

Thank goodness we're not at home. Graham woke up early this morning in terrible pain. His catheter had become blocked, which caused a lot of bladder pain. I informed the Manor Care staff of the problem, and the nurses came running. He was given pain medication and a new catheter was quickly and relatively painlessly put in. If we had been at home, we would have had to call 911 and go to the ER. It would have been a horribly painful long ordeal getting it fixed.

Graham did fantastic in physical therapy today! He has made such progress, his therapist Cathy actually cried (out of joy). When she first started with Graham, he couldn't even sit up without flopping over. Now he can balance himself pretty well and move his arms all around at the same time instead of holding on to the bench for dear life. And he's getting faster and faster with his handy dandy sliding transfer board, or whatever the heck those things are called.

We're looking forward to Thanksgiving. Gary will join us for the dinner, and friends John and Erika will come for a visit. Graham will have a break from radiation that day, so I'll have time to go get little Micki and have her stay with us for the day. We haven't seen her for almost two weeks. We can't wait to see how her whole body wiggles with happiness when she first sees us.

What is sort of weird with dogs, though, is that they're just as relieved/excited to see you after you've come back from taking out the garbage for five minutes as they are when you've been away on a two week vacation. Strange but true.

Although if she follows her usual pattern, Micki will be unhappy to leave our friend Alice's house. Alice cooks chicken and hamburger for her dog and Micki. I only give Micki dry kibble. You can imagine Micki's look of disgust and dismay when she sees the return of her bowl of dry dog food. She looks at it, then looks at me pleadingly, as if to say, "Noooooo!! I want the good wet stuff that Alice gives me!!!! PLEASE. Look how cute I am. Please??" When I don't relent, she looks at the dry food again, and then just sort of sighs and mopes away.

We wish everyone a very happy Thanksgiving Day! We're so thankful for all of our wonderful family and friends who have shown us such amazing support and love. And I'm so thankful that I still have my handsome sweetie here beside me and that he's still happy to be alive.

There's this awful moment every day when, after Graham wakes up and eventually comes out of dreamland, he makes the realization that he's (at least for now) paralyzed from the waist down. You can see him rapidly going through all these emotions ("What the heck is going on here? I can't seem to sit up or move my legs. Holy crap. I can't move! Oh my gosh, I remember now. Oy. Oh well, it is what it is. " ) and then, one little tear starts to roll down his face, but then he literally grits his teeth, quickly wipes the tear away, and gets on with his day.

So, it's not that he's oblivious to his condition. He just chooses to spend his time focusing on what he can do to make progress rather than on what he's lost. True to form, he enjoys the physical challenge of it. Most people hate physical therapy; Graham LOVES it. :-)

Manor Care

Manor Care, the rehab facility in Sunnyvale, is very lovely. We feel like we're at a posh hotel with congenial room service at our beck and call 24/7. We're in a double room, but there's no roommate yet, so I've been able to sleep here, which is great.

He met with one of the physical therapists today and worked on how to safely get out of bed and into a wheelchair. So much easier when you know what you are doing!! With the right techniques and equipment, it's totally doable with even just one helper, and not even a big hulking one. When we tried this at home, we were so clueless. What surprises me is that the visiting nurses and home health aids that we had hired were also clueless. For example, the wheelchair they had ordered for him...totally wrong kind since you can't take off one of the arms to slide into it using a sliding board. Lesson learned: train with the professionals before attempting at home!

Don't know what to think about progress of radiation. Graham is able to scissor his legs back and forth very nicely, but hasn't been doing as well lifting them up. Time will tell.

We enjoyed visits today from Gary, as well as Ellen, Rick and Zack. Gary had just received several boxes that he had packed when he was clearing out his and Graham's mom's place after her death. He brought over some of his mom's paintings and sketches for Graham to look at, as well as some old correspondence of theirs that their mom had saved for years. It's always fun going down Memory Lane.

Graham is right now choosing his menu selections for the next week. So far, the food has been pretty tasty. But he doesn't have much of an appetite and is forcing himself to eat. Although he will always eat ice cream, so I make sure to have that on hand for him.

Here's our new contact info for the next couple of weeks:

Graham Green, c/o Manor Care
1150 Tilton Drive
Sunnyvale, CA 94087

And you can reach us on my cellphone: 650-242-2265.

From all the pain medication, or maybe just from whatever cancer is left in his brain, Graham sometimes wakes up very disoriented. Also, when he's very tired and just about to fall asleep, his words don't always make sense.

Today he woke up trying to get out of bed, forgetting that he would fall flat on his face. Oh, the interesting conversations we have when he's in utter la-la land! But then, after a few minutes of that, he either wakes up and snaps out of it, or gets some needed sleep.

So if you have a chat with him when he's sleepy, don't be surprised if the conversation takes an odd turn here and there!

Sleepy Day Today

Graham slept almost the entire day. Par for the course when it comes to getting radiation. The exhaustion kicks in after a few days. But around 6:30pm, he finally started to perk up. He's in good spirits. And he was able to use his inner thigh muscles today, so that was a good sign.

We thought we would be going to Manor Care in Sunnyvale today, but it took longer than expected to get all the insurance approvals for the ambulance to take him there, as well as to and from his radiation appointments at Stanford each day, so he's staying another night at Stanford, which makes us very happy. They take great care of Graham here.

I have to put in a good word for Aetna. They have never refused anything a doctor requested. They even have folks call us every now and then to ask if there is anything more they can do, are we happy with the medical care we are receiving, etc. Aetna rocks!

Graham gets radiation in the morning and will go by ambulance to Manor Care at 1pm.

Wish us luck in the new place!

Going to Rehab Thursday Morning

Graham is going to leave Stanford Hospital in the morning and go to a lovely rehab place called Manor Care in Sunnyvale.

Our insurance allows for 5 rehab places in our vicinity. I explored the 3 that people at Stanford generally recommended.

The first one, Lytton Gardens, was DISGUSTING. The only thing it had going for it was that it was close by in Palo Alto. It was so clearly mismanaged. There was debris lying around, signs missing...the place smelled really really bad, hadn't been renovated possibly ever, and there was not a bit of cheer or professionalism anywhere in sight. Their rehab room was a joke. The patients' rooms were unrelentingly depressing and gross. I would send the terrorists in Guantanamo Bay to live in Lytton Gardens. The conditions there would make them talk pretty darn quick. They would long for the good ole days back in Guantanamo.

The second place, Los Altos Sub Acute, seemed decent to me when I first visited it yesterday.
But I think it was just not as horrible as Lytton, so it seemed better than it was. When I went for a second look today at a different hour, it seemed more Lytton-like. Their rehab rooms are very well equipped and staffed, but the living quarters are very depressing. And it was so LOUD and crowded in the rehab rooms in the morning. Graham would hate that.

The third place, Manor Care in Sunnyvale, is lovely. It is very professionally run. It's obvious that they pay attention to details and care about quality. The rehab rooms are well equipped and orderly. They have excellent statistics for the percent of patients who improve in various ways after getting rehab training at Manor Care. It's generally very quiet and serene there. The patients' rooms and lounges are nicely decorated and pleasant. The food looks and smells good. Everyone I spoke with seemed happy to be there. Patients had good things to say about the staff, the rehab and the food. Spouses and daughters of patients were quite happy with the service their loved ones were receiving. The staff has mostly all been there for years, which is a good sign of a well-managed place. They have a decent staff per patient ratio. And I saw a housekeeper scrubbing the outside of a trash basket. Sweet!

The room that is available for Graham right now has a window that overlooks a lovely green area with a beautiful tree and bird feeder. It's a tiny room though, and it is a double. Although right now there's no roommate. His half of the room is so small, there's hardly any room for me to even sit by his bed. Micki can hang out with us during the day, but there's no space for her little doggy-bed. They told me that a private room would hopefully open up in a couple of days, and I can pay $75 extra a day for it, which I am more than happy to do. So hopefully a private more spacious room will become available very soon, or Graham and I will learn what we need to learn super quick, and just go back home. I just don't want Graham to feel rushed. They expect him to need at least 3 weeks to learn how to be as comfortable and safe as possible. Then we can go back home.

THANKS: Thank you so much, Shoma, for the pretty flowers!! That was so kind of you. We appreciate your thoughtfulness.

Genentech Folks Send Their Love

Graham had a very mellow day. He was so touched to get a DVD that his co-workers at Genentech had made for him, filled with nice comments, encouragement and interesting updates about people there. A big thank you to Analynn, who made the DVD, and to all those who participated. We really appreciate your thoughtfulness!! And the snacks you sent with the DVD were fun too.

Kim, thanks for the lovely note about how Graham made a difference in your life. It really meant a lot to him.

Laura, thanks for the cheerful balloons and for going to the bank for me. That was so helpful.

Chuck, thanks so much for reattaching that persnickety pump hose in our front garden's fountain. Graham likes his garden looking good!

Joni and Bernard, that was so amazing how you found someone in the hospital to bring Graham some freshly baked, hot from the oven, chocolate chip walnut cookies. Delicious! How did you do that from Florida??

Elliot and Connie, you always find a way to bring delight to our day. Thanks for having Hagen Daz ice cream delivered to Graham's room. Total yumminess!

Alice, thanks for picking Micki up from Pam's and having her stay at your house for the rest of the week. It's so nice of you both to give Micki a home away from home. I'm glad she and your dog, Happy, are having a good time together. I hope Micki doesn't eat all of Happy's food!

Jimmy and Dick, we enjoyed your visit (and the Ball of Whacks). It's always interesting hearing about your latest activities.

Lynn, thanks for the latest beautiful drawings you made for Graham.

Marilyn and Norm, thanks so much for visiting and bringing me homemade food as an alternative to the hospital's cafeteria food. The tomatoes from your garden were so tasty. And we continue to enjoy your beautiful roses.

Gary, thanks so much for the comedy DVDs and for staying with Graham while I explored the rehab places.

Physical Therapy

Good news! The new pain meds worked great, so he felt no pain while he was being moved around. AND Graham was able to lift his right leg significantly higher than the day before. He also did some work with a physical therapist and was able to move around better in bed. This means that there's room for improvement and they recommend that he go to a rehab place to learn how to be more mobile and comfortable.

So today I'm going to explore a couple of rehab places.

Occupational therapist is here now, so gotta go!

Radiation Helping

Graham is feeling very mellow and comfortable for the most part. Just about the only time when he has pain is when he needs to be moved from his bed to have radiation treatment. Getting moved onto the table and in various positions - ouch! It really hurts his spine where he has the tumors and compressions. He has two areas on his spine where the cancer tumors are compressing it, one that affects his legs and the other that could affect his arms. Oddly, the much bigger compression is on the part that controls the arms, but so far, he still has good use of his arms. And hopefully with the radiation treatment, he always will.

Yesterday, they told us to make sure Graham had extra painkillers an hour before his radiation appointment. We gave him 50% more. But it wasn't enough. And because it was Sunday, and they opened the department just for him (thank you Dr. K and Dr J!!) as an emergency treatment, there were none of the usual nurses or drugs available there. But then I realized, YAY, I have liquid fast-acting morphine in my purse for him! As I reached for it, I then realized, aaaarrrghhhhhhhh, it was actually still in the hospital room - out of the cancer center, across the courtyard, into the next hospital building, down several long hallways. Well, you can imagine how bad I felt for not thinking to bring my purse with me. Oy!!!

So off I zoomed, regretting what a slow runner I am and pledging to get back in shape as each hallway loomed longer and longer. I finally got back after what seemed like an hour, but was probably only 10 minutes. Thankfully though, his pain had subsided after a few minutes and he was doing fine and didn't need any further pain medication. Needless to say, we're going to give him the mother of all painkillers tomorrow AND I will absolutely positively have the liquid morphine with me.

The doctors hope that after about a week of radiation, we may see improvement in Graham's ability to lift his legs. They're hopeful that the paralysis can be reversed in some measure because he's able to wiggle his toes and lift his legs a tiny bit, which he couldn't do when he was first brought in. Also, he feels less numb in his thighs.

Graham is staying in a fabulous private room because they expect the radiation to drop his white cell count. He has a really exquisite view of one of Stanford Hospital's finest gardens. And he has a special bed that can be adjusted infinitely and is super comfortable. His nurses have all been cheerful and competent, and it is soooo great having plenty of staff around when he wants to change position or get out of bed. Because he's still in pretty good shape, he's a heavy guy, so it takes two people to even just move him up a bit in the bed. And when I say two people, I mean two strong people. When Gary (Graham's brother) and I tried to lift Graham up by ourselves, it was a disaster. Gary was plenty strong, but I just couldn't keep up.

As usual, Graham is in good spirits and has a ready smile, and even when he's floating a bit with pain meds, he still makes sure to chat with all the helpers.

Gary has been a constant support, staying with us at the house giving invaluable help, and now that Graham is in the hospital, he visits every day, bringing cheer and humor into the room.

Ellen, Rick and Zack came to visit today, which is always a pleasure. For those of you who have wondered about visiting, the afternoons or evenings are best. Right now he's in Room E42. Just give us a call first to make sure he's not napping or something. The phone number for his room is 650-498-3035.

I have a comfy cot beside Graham, and since our wonderful neighbor Pam is taking care of Micki, I don't need to go home. So to all of the sweet people who have offered to bring us delicious dinners, we won't need any food while we're at the hospital, which I think will be for several more days.

THANKS for all your great emails, cards and calls.

RELIEF!!!

I'm just home for a quick shower, so I can only give you a brief update. Graham went to the Emergency Room on Friday because the paralysis had gotten drastically worse. They had a wonderful crew of doctors there that night.

It was determined that since the paralysis was advancing so rapidly, it would be bad to wait until Monday to do chemo, that immediate radiation would be the best thing to do. And radiation would also hopefully prevent Graham from losing function of his arms, since that area of the spine was also being compressed.

They also gave him a boatload of steroids to reduce inflammation. Graham can already move his toes more and lift his legs a tiny tiny bit. And that's just the first day!

He'll likely be at Stanford Hospital for 4-5 days. I'm so hoping that he will be able to walk out of Stanford on his own two feet.

THANKS:

Thank you so much, Pam F., for taking care of Micki while we're at the hospital!!! It was so kind of you to offer on the spot when you saw the ambulance at our house.

Wendy T., the challah you brought us was both delicious and incredibly handy. As I was running out the door to the ER, I grabbed the challah, and since we were there from 7pm until 5am, it gave us sustenance.

Elaine H, thanks for the delicious package of goodies! I'm going to bring the treats to the hospital so Graham can enjoy something besides hospital food.

Don and Eli - Master Ramp Builders; Chemo on Monday

Before I even had a chance to look at Angie's List for a ramp-builder, two friends offered to build it for us. It's hard to bemoan buying our house at the top of the market when it came with such great neighbors. :-)

Building the ramp was magical. Don H came by at 8am to measure the space and design the ramp, and then spent the morning getting the supplies and cutting the boards. Shortly after Don had to leave to go to work, Eli B. came by. He cut a few more items and then put all the pieces together. Don and Eli made a wonderful team without ever even meeting each other, and the ramp was done by 2:30! The ramp works very smoothly, and Graham was so relieved to be able to get outside of the house easily. Thank you, Don and Eli.

Graham continues to surprise me. It's nice when a spouse can still surprise you after 20 years. The man can't even feel his feet, can't walk, can barely stand for more than a few seconds, but he insisted on getting on the exercise bike today. And he rode! Not quite a mile, but he rode. Hey, it's more than I did today!

The good news is that the lab results are back and Graham's white cell count returned to a decent range and he can have more chemo on Monday. If we're very lucky, maybe the chemo will reverse what's happening with his legs.

Today was exhausting for everybody. We had several nursing agency people over to advise us on how to best make Graham comfortable. We stocked up on all kinds of cool medical supplies, like a hospital bed and a shower seat. They have an infinite number of clever devices to help make life easier if mobility is a problem.

But there's just no easy way to "transfer," that is, to get someone from a bed to a wheelchair, or from a wheelchair into a regular chair. If Gary hadn't been here to help, it would have been really hard.

Starting tomorrow we're having a home healthcare aid come in for a few hours a day. She'll help us with the transfers. Not quite sure what else she'll do, but no doubt we'll think of something.

THANKS:

Sarah J and Barry W, your chocolate chip cookies were sooo good. And Hannah W, we love your artwork. It's hanging on our refrigerator.


Hannah W's artwork for Graham

Thank you so much, Joel F, for your wonderful note and stunning flowers. They were a real day-brightener. Your florist is an artist.

Teree F, how delightful to receive a jar of honey from your husband's bee hive! And the Hebrew prayer plaque is lovely.

Jerry and Marie, thanks so much for the very pretty and exotic flowers. Graham really enjoyed their beautiful scent.

Ella, we couldn't resist your apple pie. It's almost all gone already!

Lost Strength in Legs; Know a Good Ramp Builder?

Graham suddenly lost strength in his legs yesterday. He woke up wobbly but able to walk. But by the end of the day, he couldn't even stand for more than a couple of seconds. Amazingly, Graham was in good spirits, certain that this was just a temporary setback. His determination (some would say denial) is working for him. It keeps him in a good frame of mind.

His brother Gary came over. We hung out with Graham in the bedroom and had a "picnic" in bed. And after chatting for a while, we watched a DVD - the Parrots of Telegraph Hill. There were some poignant moments, because the film talks about some of the birds who had become incapacited but still enjoyed life, about some birds who had lost their mates and were sad...

In a surreal sort of way, it was overall a pleasant evening.

Today we tried to get to Stanford for his appointment with the doctor. Even with a walker and a wheelchair, it was just impossible to get down the two stairs to get outside. The steps are too short for the walker to provide any support. And the stairs are too steep to be able to bounce the wheelchair down them.

The visiting nurse was there to show me how to do it, and she said it couldn't safely be done without a ramp. At one point, Graham insisted on trying to walk down and it just wasn't possible. He came so close to falling and cracking his head open. He was so frustrated. He just kept saying, "two days ago, I rode two miles on the exercise bike and was walking fine."

A resource person is coming from the nursing agency tomorrow. Hopefully he can tell me who to contact to build a ramp or if it's something that can be bought somewhere.

If anybody local has the name of a carpenter or handyman who can build a ramp, please let me know! leegreenmo@aol.com

THANKS: A big thank you to Lisa H for making Graham an early Thanksgiving feast, and to Dale L for stocking up our fridge with delicious organic meals for the rest of the week!

Dave from St. Louis!

We endeavor to do at least one especially enjoyable activity every day. Lucky for us, our buddy Dave P from St. Louis was in town briefly on his way to a business meeting and we got to join him for lunch and catch up. Graham enjoyed the visit, but just the short walk from the car to the restaurant really zonked him out.

Dave, thanks for making time to see us!

Keep in mind who is writing!

I need to clarify the last entry. Graham is still very much in fight mode and has totally not thrown in the towel. Graham and I are very different when it comes to physical stamina and pain. So my view of the situation is not his. I can't stand the thought of him suffering. But for Graham, through all his training for cycling, he's used to the idea of physical stress and enduring through it. This cancer is the challenge of his life, and he feels up for it.

I'd like to think that if I were being tortured by Hamas or Al Qaeda, I'd hold strong. But if I were suffering pain from a disease and not for a cause? Just shoot me. And make it quick. But that's just me.

We have very different advance care directives. Mine basically says that if I drool, have a headache, and possibly just have a bad hair day, don't even think of resuscitating me. Graham's has very elaborate instructions about how badly he needs to be doing before treatment is stopped.

Graham used to love going on certain cycling trails BECAUSE they were hard. If it was scenic but not physically very difficult, it wouldn't be fun for him. To my mind, that's INSANE. Same for choosing a vacation where you ride in the blazing sun up and down crazy steep mountains for 10 days. Not my idea of a good time, but Graham LOVED it.

So please don't let my wimpy attitude give you the wrong impression of how Graham is feeling.

Cancer Sucks

We had a pleasant weekend. The pain medication is keeping things under control and allowing Graham to still enjoy every day.

Saturday, we had a fun visit from Ellen, Rick and their son Zack. (Ellen is the sister of Graham's cousin's husband. ) Zack has an excellent memory for jokes and he tells them really well, so he had us laughing and really cheered Graham up.




Sunday, we went for a long walk around the neighborhood and looked at some pretty condos that were just completed a couple of blocks away. We also went to visit our neighbor Lenny. Such a sweet guy. He ended the visit with a heartfelt prayer.

Friday I got a copy of the PET scan results. Grim!!! It's hard to know whether to pray for Graham to have the strength to hang on or to pray for a merciful death before the pain gets worse and other horrible symptoms develop. The cancer is spreading so fast and in so many places. The report noted "innumerable" locations, particularly in his bones and lungs. What I had hoped was some fat developing in his belly from all the mashed potatoes and ice cream is actually a big load of cancer. There's even cancer in his vocal cords, which is so sad. Graham has such a gorgeous voice. (Years ago, I had a friend who told me her guilty pleasure was to call our house when we were at work just to listen to Graham's voice on our answering machine's outgoing message! )

The hearing in Graham's left ear became muffled on Thursday and has stayed that way. That's likely invasive cancer cells as well.

What can I say? Cancer sucks.

But caring family and friends make it bearable.

Graham Attended Mom's Funeral by Cell Phone

Today was Graham's mom's funeral. Graham asked that he be called by cell phone so that he could listen in, and it really worked. His cousin Paul was able to stand with his cell phone near where people were speaking, and we heard all the kind comments about his mom, and were able to hear all of the service. We really felt like we were there, which made Graham feel so much better. He was even able to join in when the Mourner's Kaddish was chanted. Thanks, Paul and Gary!

His mom's doctor was there and remarked about how incredibly gracious and thoughtful his mom was with her over the years, always asking how she was (and genuinely wanting to know) and thanking her. She said that the vast majority of patients don't do that, which is why Joan was such a beloved and memorable patient for her.

It reminds me of how Graham is with his doctors and nurses, well really with everyone. When he speaks with someone, whether it's a friend, clerk, co-worker or a stranger, he seems to instinctively ponder "what can I do to make this person feel special/appreciated?" I don't know if it's anything he thinks consciously, but that spirit seems to animate his actions and words. He always keeps the other person's feelings and dignity in mind.

The pain meds worked great today. Graham had very little pain and he felt only the slightest bit spacey. We took a nice walk around the block. He rode a mile on his exercise bike, and he even did his floor exercises!

Now he's getting ready for a masseuse from the Cancer Clinic to give him an hour-long massage. If he loves it, I'll see if I can arrange for her to come out to the house every other night.

THANKS: We got a lovely basket of flowers from some wonderful folks that Graham used to work with at Wyeth in St. Louis. Thank you so much, Cassie D, Tony B, Sioni B, Marti B, Robin B and Rob M! We deeply appreciate your thoughtfulness. (If you get a chance, please send me your email addresses. I'd love to send you a personal thank you.)

Thank you Lisa H for the "Sloppy Mommies" (Sloppy Joes made with turkey). It was finger licking good! :-)

Drugs are Delightful! Scary Test Results.

Drugs rule! At least the right ones do. The vicadin that the radiation doctor had prescribed for Graham didn't do squat for his back pain. But Dr. Advani prescribed him some slow release morphine today that really helped. Yay!!!!

The idea is to maintain a steady dose of morphine throughout the day so the pain never gets out of control, and if it "breaks through," take a little more morphine and it should respond right away. And that's exactly what happened tonight. It is so good to know that Graham has something now that can very quickly take away his pain.

TEST RESULTS

The scan results were mixed. The MRI of the brain showed that the radiation treatment helped reduce the cancer in the brain. That's the good news.

The bad news is the PET-CT scan showed that in the past 3 weeks, the cancer spread tremendously throughout the rest of his body, including more of his bones, which is the probable cause of his back pain. The doctor actually used the phrase "riddled with cancer." There were so many new cancer spots to report, that the scan people hadn't even been able to finish typing the report in time for our appointment. We'll learn all the details on Friday when we can see a copy of the report.

The doctor advised against any further treatment, because she didn't think the small potential benefit outweighed the pain and discomfort involved. But Graham wants to fight to the end, to stay with us as long as possible, just in case some new drug or treatment might come along in the nick of time.

So Dr. Advani agreed to let him try a chemo combo that he hadn't tried before, and to try to do it weekly. But, further bad news...today's blood test revealed his white blood cell neutrophil count (not sure if I have that right) is scary low, 300, so he's not even able to have the first part of the chemo treatment, because it would completely wipe out his white cells. But he was able to have the second part.

Starting tomorrow, he will get Neupogen shots for 5 days, to encourage his white blood cells to grow. And if they reach 1000 by Wednesday, he'll get the other part of the chemo combo then.

Graham and Micki are snoozing away right now, hopefully having some sweet dreams.

Back Pain

McCain and Obama both gave such gracious, uplifting speeches. It's a proud day for America as we experience how smoothly and non-violently our democracy works. May God grant President-elect Obama the wisdom and strength necessary to deal with the grave challenges ahead.

Graham had a very bad day yesterday. He was in so much pain from his back. He needed to take pain pills all day, and was sort of dazed and slightly incoherent for much of the day. He had his PET-CT scan yesterday, and lying flat on the hard table for over an hour made the pain worse.

Today, we'll spend most of the day, and likely part of the evening, at Stanford Cancer Center. Graham will have his usual blood tests, then meet with Dr. Advani to hear the results of all the recent scans, and then hopefully start a new round of chemo, probably R-CHOP. We probably won't get home until 9pm.

THANKS: Thanks to the many of you who have kindly sent condolences to Graham regarding his mom's death. Lauren, thanks for the interesting book. Thanks so much, Pam, for the delicious beef stew. Ella, spaseba for the wonderful chicken soup and borscht.

Graham's mom died today

Graham's mother, Joan, died today. She had recently gone to a nursing home (in Massachusetts) to help her deal with a case of pneumonia, and her doctor thought she had gotten over that. But he recommended she stay in the nursing home to get ongoing care as she regained her balance. She suddenly took a drastic turn for the worse early this morning, lost consciousness, and died very quickly. Graham is very sad that he wasn't able to speak to her one last time, but we're glad that she didn't suffer.

She was a very sweet woman and a talented artist. She was 83. Graham feels so bad that he can't go to her funeral or help his brother with the arrangements. But planes are too germy for him and he just doesn't have the energy to go far from home.

Graham's back pain spread to the other side of his back tonight. A long backrub allowed him to feel better for a short while. He took some pain pills and a sleeping pill, so hopefully he'll be able to sleep through the night and get some relief.

I feel so bad for Graham's brother Gary, who is coping with the loss of his mom and the potential loss of Graham, his only sibling. Thankfully he's very close with his cousins, Karen and Paul.

Sleepy

Sunday was a very sleepy day. Graham slept until about noon and had his MRI around 3:30. Afterward, we went to dinner with his brother Gary.

Graham's right hand is starting to have a small tremor again, and his gait has changed. He takes very small steps now. He says it is due to a combination of not having much energy and not wanting to jar his back.

Amazingly, Graham found some energy when we got home and rode on the exercise bike for a little while.

What a Pain (in the back)

Graham's back pain is off and on, but when it's on, it can be very difficult. This morning he woke up at 3am to take some vicadin for the first time since April. He can usually get by with Tylenol.
When he's in pain, it's hard for him to find a comfortable position sitting or lying down. Walking feels better, but he doesn't have a lot of energy to keep walking around for long.

The X-ray from last week didn't show any breaks in the ribs, but Graham will be getting an MRI on Sunday and Petscan on Tuesday, where we'll see a lot more detail. On Wednesday, we'll learn the results to see how well the radiation did with the cancer spots in the brain, and we'll see what the cancer is doing elsewhere in the body.

Let's Try That Celebration Again

Graham is such a honey. He decided we should re-celebrate our 20th anniversary, since this year, it had landed on a day when Graham was feeling awful and had ended up unexpectedly in the hospital.

After radiation on Wednesday, we went card shopping. We always get each other several cards.

I like to scatter the cards throughout his day...one by his toothbrush, his breakfast plate, another in his sock drawer...when he was working, I'd put one in his briefcase for him to find at work...then more cards to open at dinner.

Graham's makes his cards to me really special by drawing on the envelopes. It's usually some whimsical version of my name or his latest nickname for me, or having fun with some recent item or quirk. Here's a great one from a few years ago where he was poking fun at the way I mowed the lawn back at our Missouri house.




When Graham mowed, he would do it very methodically in a cross hatch pattern. Then we decided to split the job, with me getting the easy riding lawnmower part and Graham getting the harder weed whacking part. I would just go wild with the mower, zooming every which way, until it finally got done. Ladies, I highly recommend riding lawnmowers. They get the lawn cut quickly and they're akin to sitting on a washer during the spin cycle. Who says that doing chores can't be fun? ;-)

Here's a drawing where Graham was remembering the day we met at a Jewish singles event at Canobie Lake Park, and how the first thing we did together was to go on a roller coaster ride.


Here we are on Saturday having a celebratory dinner at Kincaid's in Burlingame, with a great view of the water (and the planes taking off from the airport).


On the way to dinner, we stopped for a quick visit to the Aviation Museum in San Carlos. We had always wondered what was in there!




THANKS: Thanks, Cary R., for the motherlode of World War II DVDs. Graham has quite the collection now! Lisa H., your grilled burgers and pea/radish salad were fantastic. Rob and Jen M from STL, we were delighted to receive in the mail your beautiful and delicious homemade challah!!