There will be a shiva service at our house in Redwood City on Tuesday and Wednesday (Dec 30 and 31st) from 7pm to 8pm. We'll read some prayers and then invite people to share their memories/thoughts about Graham. Friends are welcome to come to one or both services.
On New Year's Day, there won't be a shiva service, but friends are welcome to visit between the hours of 1pm and 5pm.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Rabbi Fasman's Remarks About Graham
Graham's funeral was really lovely. I was so touched by all the people who came, even people who knew Graham years ago and many who traveled far to be there.
When it came time to cover Graham's coffin with the earth...my mind went on a little vacation. I just kept thinking, "That coffin looks way too short for Graham. I don't think he's really in there." I think until I get back to our home in California and find that he's not there waiting for me, Graham's death won't be real to me.
Rabbi Fasman's remarks about Graham really captured his essence. First he read excerpts (I'll share those with you soon) from many letters that people had written to me about Graham. And then he delivered his own remarks (see below):
About Graham (David ben Ze'ev ha-Levi):
Such a young man. Such a remarkable man. Such a profound loss.
Graham Green lived only 51 years. Though it was far too short, this was a man who touched this world in countless kind and positive ways. Today is the fifth day of Chanukkah - in fact, Graham passed away on the first day of Chanukkah. The hymn most associated with this holiday is Maoz Tzur - Rock of Ages. The more I learned about Graham, the more I realized that he was a rock himself - strong, constant, and consistent.
Graham was born the second of two sons to Walter and J Green. When he was about five years old, his parents divorced. At that time, his grandmother, Esther Green, moved in and became a guiding motherly presence in his life until the time he went to college.
It wasn't a large family, but it was close. There was his brother Gary, eight years his senior. Additionally, Graham's immediate family included his uncle Jerry and aunt Marie, and their children Karen and Paul. As the years passed, the family grew. Karen married Bob and Paul married Avivah. Karen and Bob's son Will is just a few works before Bar Mitzvah, and Paul and Avivah have a 3 1/2 year old, Jonah. There is one other very important family member in Graham's life - his stepmother Frada, who came into his life when he was about 20 and with whom he was close for these past 30 years. Sadly, Graham lost his father Walter four years ago, and just last month, his mother passed away.
Though Graham and Lee never had children, they did host a series of international students in their home for many years. Graham was able to be a father figure to many of them and kept in touch with many of his surrogate children over the years.
As a child, Graham was mature well beyond his years. He was intelligent, with a sweet and gentle demeanor. Gary reports that his little brother was cute and easy - Graham wasn't a cranky kid. Even as a child, Graham treated others well...this was one of his outstanding traits throughout his life.
And Graham was both a child and a man who persevered. He faced challenges with equanimity and patiently continued to move forward until he had achieved his goal. After transferring from another school, he graduated from the University of Illinois with a double major in biochemistry and microbiology.
Graduate school was also a challenge. Graham encountered a number of dead ends while pursuing his doctorate. When he had finally hit upon a promising thesis topic and had nearly completed all the work necessary for his Ph.D., someone else finished the same project first, so Graham patiently began a new project. He did finally receive his Ph.D. in Biochemistry from Rutgers University.
Graham's patience paid off in another important way during his graduate school years. In August of 1986, through the Boston Jewish Young Adult Center, Graham met Lee at a group outing to Canobie Lake Amusement Park. The first thing they did together was to go on the roller coaster ride. He found her screams endearing. That was another of Graham's core traits: he could observe all manner of human behavior with curiosity, but without being judgmental.
Graham and Lee dated for about a year. He was very gentlemanly in his courtship. He was a graduate student, so he had very little disposable income for fancy dates. Instead, their dates were creative...kite flying, canoeing, picnics, museums, and then there was the lasagna dinner he made for her in his toaster oven.
Apparently Graham and Lee broke up at one point, or maybe it was just Lee. But Graham knew what he wanted, so he responded with another of his core traits: he was infinitely patient, persevering and persistent. Lee was enrolled in an Adult Bnai Mitzvah class. Although Graham had grown up with an educated Jewish father, and though he had been Bar Mitzvah at the age of 13, he enrolled in the same class. Just to be with her.
His perseverence of course eventually paid off. Lee and Graham were married in October of 1988. They shared 20 wonderful years together. Was he a good husband? Without hesitation, Lee says he was the best. And she admits that she was not alway an easy one to live with. Graham never took offense. He made her a better person.
These past three years that Graham fought his cancer, and especially since April when his cancer turned aggressive, Lee was unwavering in her support and care for him. Karen, Paul and Gary all agree that no one ever took care of anybody as well as Lee took care of Graham.
Graham's career began at Organogenesis in Cambridge, where they were working to create replacement skin for burn victims using, in part, baby foreskins. From there he worked at OsteoArthritis Sciences, Wyeth and Centocor. Graham's final position was at Genentech, as Associate Director of Quality Control, directing the Stability lab, a critically important and detailed function within any biotech firm.
As a manager, one of his finest character traits created close and respectful relationships with those he supervised. Graham always treated others the way he would want to be treated himself. Another of his core traits: he lived his life in accord with the highest Jewish values. In the words of the First Century BCE sage Hillel, "What is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow man." Graham treated everyone this way: waitresses, nurses aides, and everyone with whom he interacted.
Outside of work, Graham had several passions: he loved bike riding, photography, home repair, and gardening.
Those who know him know how much Graham loved to ride his bicycle. He rode across the states of Utah and Iowa. He loved the challenge of cycling, preferring to ride uphill than on flat ground. Cycling cleared his head - these past years he cycled to and from work 3 days a week. In California, that meant twenty-two miles each way. By the time he got home in the evening, he had left the problems and challenges of work behind him. Cycling was also important to him because Graham liked to keep in shape.
And Graham was also a fixer. As a twelve-year-old, he took apart his Uncle Jerry's bicycles, cleaned every part and then reassembled the bikes, with no parts left over. It took hours, but Graham was quietly persistent and did not complain when things got tough.
Graham loved to fix things. He loved to go to house to house among family and friends in order to fix all kinds of things for them. In fact, Graham and Lee once found a perfect house to buy, but Graham didn't want to buy it because there was nothing in it that needed fixing. The passion to fix things reflects yet another core trait: living by the Jewish value of tikkun 0lam, repairing the world. Graham loved to leave things better than he found them. He did this with things and with institutions and with people.
Graham loved photography. Early in his professional life, he created a photography business on the side, mostly doing weddings and Bar Mitzvahs. He loved to capture beauty. And he found human behavior to be endlessly fascinating, often puzzling. He was an observer of people and he enjoyed capturing their images.
Graham also loved to produce beauty - in his garden. He loved to design his landscaping and to create and maintain his yard. Not only was he a keen observer; he also had remarkable vision; he could see what the garden would look like when the landscaping project was finished. And he was right.
From the time of his childhood, Graham had a relatively close circle of friends. And he kept up with them no matter where life took them. He was still in touch with one of his elementary school friends, Geoff. Graham would call them regularly, often when he would be driving to work.
Religiously, Graham was committed to his Judaism. He took Judaism seriously, both for its ethical teachings and also for its rituals and practices. He enjoyed coming to services on a regular basis and was a frequent member of our daily minyan at Shaare Zedek, especially in his year of mourning for his father.
In that context, I remember Graham as quiet, serious, and at the same time, gentle and friendly. We had a number of very good conversations, often over breakfast following minyan. Graham and Lee also were part of the Shaare Zedek Mission to Israel in 2005. He was committed to Israel and supportive of Lee's work with CAMERA. Graham had travelled to Israel following his high school graduation as part of a Young Judea program.
In Pirke Avot [Chapter 4, Mishnah 1], the second-century sage Ben Zoma asks a series of questions about understanding the primary virtues of a Jewish life. Eizeh hu chakham? Ha-lomeid mi-kol adam - "Who is wise? One who learns from every human being." Eizeh hu gibor? Ha-koveish et yitzro - "Who is mighty? One who can control his own inclinations [evil impulse]." Eizeh hu ashir? Ha-sameach b'chelko - "Who is rich? Those who are content with their portion." Eizeh hu mekhubad? Ha-mekhabeid et ha-beriot - "Who is honored? Those who honor all people."
Graham was a wise man, learning from others. He was quiet and engaged with those with whom he spoke. Though he was very intelligent and highly educated, Graham felt that he could learn something from everyone, either by how they behaved or what they said.
Graham was a mighty man - he was in control of himself to a degree that far exceeds that of most people. He was quiet, he was patient, he was even-tempered, he was forgiving, he had perseverance and he did not give up when he hit dead ends and tough spots.
Graham was a wealthy man - he was grateful for all that he had and he was also profoundly satisfied to have such a wonderful wife, family, friends, and career.
Graham was a man who was honored by others. He honored everyone with whom he came in contact, no matter what their station in life, no matter their relationship to him. He treated others how he wished to be treated himself.
Many people are defined by their life story. Graham was defined by his character, a character established when he was still a child and remaining constant for the remainder of his life. This was a profoundly good man - kind, thoughtful, and caring; persistent, hardworking, steady, reliable, self-reliant. He was considerate, supportive, altruistic, connected to family and friends. He was gorgeous, both on the outside and on the inside. He was committed to enduring values as expressed in Jewish principles and ritual, while at the same time oblivious to fads and pop culture. There was a timeless quality to Graham. He was intelligent, curious, and non-condescending.
Jewish tradition speaks of 36 righteous individuals that walk the earth at any given time. We don't know them; they don't know that they are one of this distinguished group. They are called Lamed Vavniks, from the Hebrew letters Lamed and Vav that numerically represent the number 36 (which is 18 x 2, or twice chai, life).
If he wasn't one of these Lamed Vavniks, he certainly was a candidate...and maybe even a finalist. The world is diminished with his passing.
May Graham Green rest in peace.
Zichrono livracha - may his memory be for a blessing in the lives of all who knew him and loved him.
[I'll include some of the letters he read from soon. Forsan's is below.]
When it came time to cover Graham's coffin with the earth...my mind went on a little vacation. I just kept thinking, "That coffin looks way too short for Graham. I don't think he's really in there." I think until I get back to our home in California and find that he's not there waiting for me, Graham's death won't be real to me.
Rabbi Fasman's remarks about Graham really captured his essence. First he read excerpts (I'll share those with you soon) from many letters that people had written to me about Graham. And then he delivered his own remarks (see below):
About Graham (David ben Ze'ev ha-Levi):
Such a young man. Such a remarkable man. Such a profound loss.
Graham Green lived only 51 years. Though it was far too short, this was a man who touched this world in countless kind and positive ways. Today is the fifth day of Chanukkah - in fact, Graham passed away on the first day of Chanukkah. The hymn most associated with this holiday is Maoz Tzur - Rock of Ages. The more I learned about Graham, the more I realized that he was a rock himself - strong, constant, and consistent.
Graham was born the second of two sons to Walter and J Green. When he was about five years old, his parents divorced. At that time, his grandmother, Esther Green, moved in and became a guiding motherly presence in his life until the time he went to college.
It wasn't a large family, but it was close. There was his brother Gary, eight years his senior. Additionally, Graham's immediate family included his uncle Jerry and aunt Marie, and their children Karen and Paul. As the years passed, the family grew. Karen married Bob and Paul married Avivah. Karen and Bob's son Will is just a few works before Bar Mitzvah, and Paul and Avivah have a 3 1/2 year old, Jonah. There is one other very important family member in Graham's life - his stepmother Frada, who came into his life when he was about 20 and with whom he was close for these past 30 years. Sadly, Graham lost his father Walter four years ago, and just last month, his mother passed away.
Though Graham and Lee never had children, they did host a series of international students in their home for many years. Graham was able to be a father figure to many of them and kept in touch with many of his surrogate children over the years.
As a child, Graham was mature well beyond his years. He was intelligent, with a sweet and gentle demeanor. Gary reports that his little brother was cute and easy - Graham wasn't a cranky kid. Even as a child, Graham treated others well...this was one of his outstanding traits throughout his life.
And Graham was both a child and a man who persevered. He faced challenges with equanimity and patiently continued to move forward until he had achieved his goal. After transferring from another school, he graduated from the University of Illinois with a double major in biochemistry and microbiology.
Graduate school was also a challenge. Graham encountered a number of dead ends while pursuing his doctorate. When he had finally hit upon a promising thesis topic and had nearly completed all the work necessary for his Ph.D., someone else finished the same project first, so Graham patiently began a new project. He did finally receive his Ph.D. in Biochemistry from Rutgers University.
Graham's patience paid off in another important way during his graduate school years. In August of 1986, through the Boston Jewish Young Adult Center, Graham met Lee at a group outing to Canobie Lake Amusement Park. The first thing they did together was to go on the roller coaster ride. He found her screams endearing. That was another of Graham's core traits: he could observe all manner of human behavior with curiosity, but without being judgmental.
Graham and Lee dated for about a year. He was very gentlemanly in his courtship. He was a graduate student, so he had very little disposable income for fancy dates. Instead, their dates were creative...kite flying, canoeing, picnics, museums, and then there was the lasagna dinner he made for her in his toaster oven.
Apparently Graham and Lee broke up at one point, or maybe it was just Lee. But Graham knew what he wanted, so he responded with another of his core traits: he was infinitely patient, persevering and persistent. Lee was enrolled in an Adult Bnai Mitzvah class. Although Graham had grown up with an educated Jewish father, and though he had been Bar Mitzvah at the age of 13, he enrolled in the same class. Just to be with her.
His perseverence of course eventually paid off. Lee and Graham were married in October of 1988. They shared 20 wonderful years together. Was he a good husband? Without hesitation, Lee says he was the best. And she admits that she was not alway an easy one to live with. Graham never took offense. He made her a better person.
These past three years that Graham fought his cancer, and especially since April when his cancer turned aggressive, Lee was unwavering in her support and care for him. Karen, Paul and Gary all agree that no one ever took care of anybody as well as Lee took care of Graham.
Graham's career began at Organogenesis in Cambridge, where they were working to create replacement skin for burn victims using, in part, baby foreskins. From there he worked at OsteoArthritis Sciences, Wyeth and Centocor. Graham's final position was at Genentech, as Associate Director of Quality Control, directing the Stability lab, a critically important and detailed function within any biotech firm.
As a manager, one of his finest character traits created close and respectful relationships with those he supervised. Graham always treated others the way he would want to be treated himself. Another of his core traits: he lived his life in accord with the highest Jewish values. In the words of the First Century BCE sage Hillel, "What is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow man." Graham treated everyone this way: waitresses, nurses aides, and everyone with whom he interacted.
Outside of work, Graham had several passions: he loved bike riding, photography, home repair, and gardening.
Those who know him know how much Graham loved to ride his bicycle. He rode across the states of Utah and Iowa. He loved the challenge of cycling, preferring to ride uphill than on flat ground. Cycling cleared his head - these past years he cycled to and from work 3 days a week. In California, that meant twenty-two miles each way. By the time he got home in the evening, he had left the problems and challenges of work behind him. Cycling was also important to him because Graham liked to keep in shape.
And Graham was also a fixer. As a twelve-year-old, he took apart his Uncle Jerry's bicycles, cleaned every part and then reassembled the bikes, with no parts left over. It took hours, but Graham was quietly persistent and did not complain when things got tough.
Graham loved to fix things. He loved to go to house to house among family and friends in order to fix all kinds of things for them. In fact, Graham and Lee once found a perfect house to buy, but Graham didn't want to buy it because there was nothing in it that needed fixing. The passion to fix things reflects yet another core trait: living by the Jewish value of tikkun 0lam, repairing the world. Graham loved to leave things better than he found them. He did this with things and with institutions and with people.
Graham loved photography. Early in his professional life, he created a photography business on the side, mostly doing weddings and Bar Mitzvahs. He loved to capture beauty. And he found human behavior to be endlessly fascinating, often puzzling. He was an observer of people and he enjoyed capturing their images.
Graham also loved to produce beauty - in his garden. He loved to design his landscaping and to create and maintain his yard. Not only was he a keen observer; he also had remarkable vision; he could see what the garden would look like when the landscaping project was finished. And he was right.
From the time of his childhood, Graham had a relatively close circle of friends. And he kept up with them no matter where life took them. He was still in touch with one of his elementary school friends, Geoff. Graham would call them regularly, often when he would be driving to work.
Religiously, Graham was committed to his Judaism. He took Judaism seriously, both for its ethical teachings and also for its rituals and practices. He enjoyed coming to services on a regular basis and was a frequent member of our daily minyan at Shaare Zedek, especially in his year of mourning for his father.
In that context, I remember Graham as quiet, serious, and at the same time, gentle and friendly. We had a number of very good conversations, often over breakfast following minyan. Graham and Lee also were part of the Shaare Zedek Mission to Israel in 2005. He was committed to Israel and supportive of Lee's work with CAMERA. Graham had travelled to Israel following his high school graduation as part of a Young Judea program.
In Pirke Avot [Chapter 4, Mishnah 1], the second-century sage Ben Zoma asks a series of questions about understanding the primary virtues of a Jewish life. Eizeh hu chakham? Ha-lomeid mi-kol adam - "Who is wise? One who learns from every human being." Eizeh hu gibor? Ha-koveish et yitzro - "Who is mighty? One who can control his own inclinations [evil impulse]." Eizeh hu ashir? Ha-sameach b'chelko - "Who is rich? Those who are content with their portion." Eizeh hu mekhubad? Ha-mekhabeid et ha-beriot - "Who is honored? Those who honor all people."
Graham was a wise man, learning from others. He was quiet and engaged with those with whom he spoke. Though he was very intelligent and highly educated, Graham felt that he could learn something from everyone, either by how they behaved or what they said.
Graham was a mighty man - he was in control of himself to a degree that far exceeds that of most people. He was quiet, he was patient, he was even-tempered, he was forgiving, he had perseverance and he did not give up when he hit dead ends and tough spots.
Graham was a wealthy man - he was grateful for all that he had and he was also profoundly satisfied to have such a wonderful wife, family, friends, and career.
Graham was a man who was honored by others. He honored everyone with whom he came in contact, no matter what their station in life, no matter their relationship to him. He treated others how he wished to be treated himself.
Many people are defined by their life story. Graham was defined by his character, a character established when he was still a child and remaining constant for the remainder of his life. This was a profoundly good man - kind, thoughtful, and caring; persistent, hardworking, steady, reliable, self-reliant. He was considerate, supportive, altruistic, connected to family and friends. He was gorgeous, both on the outside and on the inside. He was committed to enduring values as expressed in Jewish principles and ritual, while at the same time oblivious to fads and pop culture. There was a timeless quality to Graham. He was intelligent, curious, and non-condescending.
Jewish tradition speaks of 36 righteous individuals that walk the earth at any given time. We don't know them; they don't know that they are one of this distinguished group. They are called Lamed Vavniks, from the Hebrew letters Lamed and Vav that numerically represent the number 36 (which is 18 x 2, or twice chai, life).
If he wasn't one of these Lamed Vavniks, he certainly was a candidate...and maybe even a finalist. The world is diminished with his passing.
May Graham Green rest in peace.
Zichrono livracha - may his memory be for a blessing in the lives of all who knew him and loved him.
[I'll include some of the letters he read from soon. Forsan's is below.]
A Tribute to Graham from Forsan
This beautiful message is from Forsan H, our "honorary son". Through the International Friends program at Brandeis, Graham and I were Forsan's host parents when he was a student at Brandeis, and we've remained close with him ever since.
Forsan wrote this to be read during the funeral. He was in Jerusalem, but "attended" the funeral by listening in to cousin Paul's open cellphone.
*******************************************
In my 12 years of living in America and having Graham in my life as a father and a friend, I have never met anyone so thoughtful and considerate as he was, so kind and calm, so genuine and sweet, and so optimistic—always seeing the glass half full. “Dr. Green” as I so often have endearingly called him, was a man who takes everything that life throws at him with a sense of perspective and a smile on top, a smile that brightens his entire face and calms those around him. He was a man with an exceptional ability to thrive on life’s challenges, physical or emotional, and to keep pushing further and further; a man who finds beauty, meaning, and happiness in the simple things in life: in biking, in gardening, in bird watching, in photography, and even in eating a simple meal. But above all, he was a man with the greatest sense of commitment and dedication to things he loves: to his sweetheart Lee, to his brother Gary, to his family and friends, to his work, and to his breakfast cereal—a relationship that dates back even older than his marriage! [ note from Lee: He was very loyal to Quaker Oats Low Fat Granola, because it was made in his hometown of Danville, IL ]
Graham’s life has been about leaving our world a better place than before. It was exactly two months ago on this day that I accompanied Graham to the Stanford Medical Hospital for a regular radiation appointment. That day, the doctor was late, and Graham was weak and weary. In our wait, we talked about life and its meaning. I asked him: “how do you deal with all that you are going through?” His response will ring vividly in my mind until the day I die. He said: “Throughout my life I have tried to be a part of something bigger than me that will help me make a meaningful contribution to this world…these days are no different. I wake up every morning and make it my mission to ‘contribute’ in my own way—either by making Lee smile, or by filling the bird feeder, or by fixing little things around the house.” What a way to live a life—Graham’s selfless nature and generosity of spirit are uplifting and in celebrating his life I take it upon myself to continue his mission and live my life by this very principle.
I feel privileged to have spent many days, but clearly not enough, with Graham and Lee in their home recently. This time, Graham’s always meticulously groomed beard was gone only to uncover a beautiful baby face, and a rock-solid fighter’s spirit. His battle against cancer was fought with so much patience, resilience, humility and grace. And in the midst of such a fierce fight, when most of us would be resentful and bitter, Graham continued to smile. And just as much as I will miss his smile, I will miss his strikingly beautiful deep voice—one of God’s many gifts to Graham! I already miss you “Dr. Green” and love you very much.
I am in Jerusalem at the moment listening to all of you celebrate Graham’s life and I only wish I could be there with you Lee. But as you leave the service, I will honor your husband’s life with a prayer and a visit to the holy sites of this city that Graham loves so much. I know he will be watching me from above, with a smile.
Forsan wrote this to be read during the funeral. He was in Jerusalem, but "attended" the funeral by listening in to cousin Paul's open cellphone.
*******************************************
In my 12 years of living in America and having Graham in my life as a father and a friend, I have never met anyone so thoughtful and considerate as he was, so kind and calm, so genuine and sweet, and so optimistic—always seeing the glass half full. “Dr. Green” as I so often have endearingly called him, was a man who takes everything that life throws at him with a sense of perspective and a smile on top, a smile that brightens his entire face and calms those around him. He was a man with an exceptional ability to thrive on life’s challenges, physical or emotional, and to keep pushing further and further; a man who finds beauty, meaning, and happiness in the simple things in life: in biking, in gardening, in bird watching, in photography, and even in eating a simple meal. But above all, he was a man with the greatest sense of commitment and dedication to things he loves: to his sweetheart Lee, to his brother Gary, to his family and friends, to his work, and to his breakfast cereal—a relationship that dates back even older than his marriage! [ note from Lee: He was very loyal to Quaker Oats Low Fat Granola, because it was made in his hometown of Danville, IL ]
Graham’s life has been about leaving our world a better place than before. It was exactly two months ago on this day that I accompanied Graham to the Stanford Medical Hospital for a regular radiation appointment. That day, the doctor was late, and Graham was weak and weary. In our wait, we talked about life and its meaning. I asked him: “how do you deal with all that you are going through?” His response will ring vividly in my mind until the day I die. He said: “Throughout my life I have tried to be a part of something bigger than me that will help me make a meaningful contribution to this world…these days are no different. I wake up every morning and make it my mission to ‘contribute’ in my own way—either by making Lee smile, or by filling the bird feeder, or by fixing little things around the house.” What a way to live a life—Graham’s selfless nature and generosity of spirit are uplifting and in celebrating his life I take it upon myself to continue his mission and live my life by this very principle.
I feel privileged to have spent many days, but clearly not enough, with Graham and Lee in their home recently. This time, Graham’s always meticulously groomed beard was gone only to uncover a beautiful baby face, and a rock-solid fighter’s spirit. His battle against cancer was fought with so much patience, resilience, humility and grace. And in the midst of such a fierce fight, when most of us would be resentful and bitter, Graham continued to smile. And just as much as I will miss his smile, I will miss his strikingly beautiful deep voice—one of God’s many gifts to Graham! I already miss you “Dr. Green” and love you very much.
I am in Jerusalem at the moment listening to all of you celebrate Graham’s life and I only wish I could be there with you Lee. But as you leave the service, I will honor your husband’s life with a prayer and a visit to the holy sites of this city that Graham loves so much. I know he will be watching me from above, with a smile.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Graham's Obituary
The past few days have been a blur. I had to fly to St. Louis Tuesday morning so that I could pick out Graham's burial plot Wednesday morning. I was up all night Monday unpacking all the stuff we had had in the Manor Care room, and then doing laundry and packing for the St. Louis trip. I was so very very tired, but I didn't have time to sleep.
Around 4am, as I was trying to find some winter shoes to pack, I had to lie down on the closet floor to look underneath the clothes for the "hardly ever wear, should throw away but can't" shoes tucked way in back. Well, it felt soooo good to lie down, like one of the greatest pleasures ever...and suddenly... zzzzzzzzzzzzz. I was asleep. Tick, tock, tick, tock...cab coming, need to be packed...zzzzzzzzzzz...
Ring, ring! The telephone woke me up. Thankfully my neighbor Ella saw that my lights were on and had just gotten the email message from me about Graham's death, so she called to ask if she could come over and give me a hug. If I had stayed asleep, I would have surely missed my plane. Thank you, Ella, for waking me up!! And the hug was much needed too.
Flew to St. Louis via Los Angeles. You could tell which people were going back home to LA, and which were just passing on to somewhere else. The LA people were all so well groomed. So blond. So buff. So botoxed. The rest of us looked, uh, comfortable.
Then I connected with a flight to St. Louis. The first two hours of the three hour flight were fine, but the third hour....time seemed to stand still.
When I got off the plane, I had a call waiting for me from the funeral director, telling me that he needed to send in Graham's obituary first thing in the morning. You'd think I would have had Graham's obituary written a long time ago. Well, you'd be wrong. Strangely, Graham's death surprised me. I always felt like I had more time to write the obituary. Plus, I didn't feel up to the task. It's a big responsibility trying to capture someone's essence in a short obit. I wanted to get input from Graham's brother and cousins, but there never seemed to be a right time.
As soon as I arrived at the Chesterfield hotel, I went straight to my brother's room (he had arrived that afternoon), and started writing. I figured if I went to my room, I'd just fall asleep.
Below is what eventually was written. Forgive me if I didn't do Graham justice.
Here's the link to Graham's obituary. It's on an interesting website called legacy.com
It allows you to sign a guest book, add comments, upload photos. So, please feel free to participate in that way!
Here's the link to the obituary:
http://www.legacy.com/Link.asp?I=LS000121818956X
Around 4am, as I was trying to find some winter shoes to pack, I had to lie down on the closet floor to look underneath the clothes for the "hardly ever wear, should throw away but can't" shoes tucked way in back. Well, it felt soooo good to lie down, like one of the greatest pleasures ever...and suddenly... zzzzzzzzzzzzz. I was asleep. Tick, tock, tick, tock...cab coming, need to be packed...zzzzzzzzzzz...
Ring, ring! The telephone woke me up. Thankfully my neighbor Ella saw that my lights were on and had just gotten the email message from me about Graham's death, so she called to ask if she could come over and give me a hug. If I had stayed asleep, I would have surely missed my plane. Thank you, Ella, for waking me up!! And the hug was much needed too.
Flew to St. Louis via Los Angeles. You could tell which people were going back home to LA, and which were just passing on to somewhere else. The LA people were all so well groomed. So blond. So buff. So botoxed. The rest of us looked, uh, comfortable.
Then I connected with a flight to St. Louis. The first two hours of the three hour flight were fine, but the third hour....time seemed to stand still.
When I got off the plane, I had a call waiting for me from the funeral director, telling me that he needed to send in Graham's obituary first thing in the morning. You'd think I would have had Graham's obituary written a long time ago. Well, you'd be wrong. Strangely, Graham's death surprised me. I always felt like I had more time to write the obituary. Plus, I didn't feel up to the task. It's a big responsibility trying to capture someone's essence in a short obit. I wanted to get input from Graham's brother and cousins, but there never seemed to be a right time.
As soon as I arrived at the Chesterfield hotel, I went straight to my brother's room (he had arrived that afternoon), and started writing. I figured if I went to my room, I'd just fall asleep.
Below is what eventually was written. Forgive me if I didn't do Graham justice.
Here's the link to Graham's obituary. It's on an interesting website called legacy.com
It allows you to sign a guest book, add comments, upload photos. So, please feel free to participate in that way!
Here's the link to the obituary:
http://www.legacy.com/Link.asp?I=LS000121818956X
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Graham Not Alone; Our Fave Charities
I never liked for Graham to be alone while he was going through his various treatments and hospital stays. Even now, I abhor the thought of his body being left all alone at the funeral home. So I'm very glad that there's a Jewish tradition of hiring a "shomer," a guard/watchman, to sit with the body until it is buried.
People have been asking where they can make a donation in Graham's memory. Here are some of our favorite charities:
Leukemia/Lymphoma Society http://www.leukemia-lymphoma.org/
CAMERA (Committee for Accuracy in Middle East Reporting in America) http://www.camera.org/ 617-789-3672
Hadassah (earmark for Young Judaea Camps) http://www.hadassah.org/
Pets in Need http://www.petsinneed.org/
People have been asking where they can make a donation in Graham's memory. Here are some of our favorite charities:
Leukemia/Lymphoma Society http://www.leukemia-lymphoma.org/
CAMERA (Committee for Accuracy in Middle East Reporting in America) http://www.camera.org/ 617-789-3672
Hadassah (earmark for Young Judaea Camps) http://www.hadassah.org/
Pets in Need http://www.petsinneed.org/
Monday, December 22, 2008
Graham Died Today; Funeral Details
My sweet sweet husband died today around 3pm. He had a very peaceful day, pain-free, and he was surrounded by family stroking him. We had read some psalms to him a few minutes before.
I whispered in his ear how much I loved him. And about a minute afterward I noticed that he had stopped breathing.
I feel so lucky that I had 20 years with the nicest guy in the world.
Eventually I will be moving back to Missouri, so I want to bury Graham in a cemetery near our house there. Before he was even sick he told me about a beautiful cemetery that he often passed on his bikerides around the area. So I thought it would be fitting to bury him there, in a place that he associated with the bikerides he loved so much.
I'll be flying out to St. Louis (wish me luck getting a reservation!) and the funeral will be on Friday morning, at 11am. We'll have a graveside service conducted by Rabbi Fasman, who Graham admired as a wonderful teacher and role model for kindness.
When I get back to CA, there will be shiva services (a brief service with prayers/readings) at our house to which y'all (family, friends, neighbors, work pals) are invited. At the end, we'll open it up for anyone who wants to share a story or their feelings about Graham. Stay tuned for details, but my guess is that it would be from 7pm - 8pm.
I'm dreading going home to my empty house.
Thanks again for making "Graham's Adventures in Cancerland" a journey filled with love and sweetness.
I whispered in his ear how much I loved him. And about a minute afterward I noticed that he had stopped breathing.
I feel so lucky that I had 20 years with the nicest guy in the world.
Eventually I will be moving back to Missouri, so I want to bury Graham in a cemetery near our house there. Before he was even sick he told me about a beautiful cemetery that he often passed on his bikerides around the area. So I thought it would be fitting to bury him there, in a place that he associated with the bikerides he loved so much.
I'll be flying out to St. Louis (wish me luck getting a reservation!) and the funeral will be on Friday morning, at 11am. We'll have a graveside service conducted by Rabbi Fasman, who Graham admired as a wonderful teacher and role model for kindness.
When I get back to CA, there will be shiva services (a brief service with prayers/readings) at our house to which y'all (family, friends, neighbors, work pals) are invited. At the end, we'll open it up for anyone who wants to share a story or their feelings about Graham. Stay tuned for details, but my guess is that it would be from 7pm - 8pm.
I'm dreading going home to my empty house.
Thanks again for making "Graham's Adventures in Cancerland" a journey filled with love and sweetness.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Scary Day; the Power of Touch
Graham's body was saying "Enough already!" over a month ago. Food had become repulsive to him, but he forced himself to eat. Now that he isn't fully conscious, his strong will is no longer in control, and his body has taken over. Since Saturday, when we put any food or water up to his mouth, he clamps it shut or waves us away.
On Saturday, there were still moments when Graham spoke to us. And when we talked to him, he would smile and you could see he was comprehending what was being said to him. But today, Sunday, he's been in a different state. He opens his eyes every once in a while, but he doesn't appear to really see.
He also woke up today with heavy chest congestion, which became very scary several times during the day. Lots of horrible gurgling that totally freaked me out. The medical staff said there was nothing to be done about it. Amazingly, he's able to sleep right through the gurgling.
Also his pulse is very fast, around 137.
In the morning, he started to make little moaning sounds, which broke my heart to think that he was in pain even when he was sleeping. We totally loaded him up on pain medication and the little moans didn't stop. But then I found that when I kissed him or stroked his back, they often stopped. When he had his massage, they stopped for the whole ENTIRE hour, and never started back up!! Such a relief for all involved.
We had visitors today who were very comforting to me, but alas, I don't think Graham knew they were there.
It was the first night of Hanukkah tonight and I "lit" the electric menorah since they don't allow candles here. The Hanukkah story [of the one day supply of oil for the eternal light (representing God's eternal love) in the Temple miraculously lasting eight days until more oil could be pressed] brings to mind how much longer Graham has remained with us than was expected by the doctors. It wasn't the cure we were hoping for, but the extra time has been precious.
On Saturday, there were still moments when Graham spoke to us. And when we talked to him, he would smile and you could see he was comprehending what was being said to him. But today, Sunday, he's been in a different state. He opens his eyes every once in a while, but he doesn't appear to really see.
He also woke up today with heavy chest congestion, which became very scary several times during the day. Lots of horrible gurgling that totally freaked me out. The medical staff said there was nothing to be done about it. Amazingly, he's able to sleep right through the gurgling.
Also his pulse is very fast, around 137.
In the morning, he started to make little moaning sounds, which broke my heart to think that he was in pain even when he was sleeping. We totally loaded him up on pain medication and the little moans didn't stop. But then I found that when I kissed him or stroked his back, they often stopped. When he had his massage, they stopped for the whole ENTIRE hour, and never started back up!! Such a relief for all involved.
We had visitors today who were very comforting to me, but alas, I don't think Graham knew they were there.
It was the first night of Hanukkah tonight and I "lit" the electric menorah since they don't allow candles here. The Hanukkah story [of the one day supply of oil for the eternal light (representing God's eternal love) in the Temple miraculously lasting eight days until more oil could be pressed] brings to mind how much longer Graham has remained with us than was expected by the doctors. It wasn't the cure we were hoping for, but the extra time has been precious.
In a Quandary about Visitors
Many of our friends have asked if they can come visit Graham to say goodbye. I never know what to say! I'm betwixt and between. Graham isn't really "himself" these days due to all the morphine, and due to the cancer in the brain. Not to mention being really really tired. I don't know if the "real" Graham we all know and love would appreciate his friends seeing the "Graham on drugs." I want to protect his dignity.
At the same time, "Graham on drugs" enjoys having visitors and I hate to deprive him of that pleasure. Also, hey, the dying process is a part of life and we are all going to go through it. Many of you have already experienced it with other loved ones. So I'm sure our nice friends would not think less of Graham for simply being human.
We had such a wonderful visit with Joan T and her husband yesterday. So, I'm back to leaning toward saying yes to non-family visitors for short (5-10 minutes) visits.
Joan and her hubby were the perfect visitors. They were cheerful yet caring. They didn't expect Graham to have a normal conversation with them, but they knew that he was still listening (in the hazy way that someone does when he's half asleep). Joan told Graham what he meant to her, why she enjoyed working with him, the qualities about him that she admired...They cheered us up, touched our hearts, but also knew to keep the visit brief, because it is hard for Graham to stay awake.
I'm doing my best to surround Graham in a cheerful but serene atmosphere. While it's natural to tear up when contemplating Graham leaving us, I strive to not outright cry in front of him. I just can't imagine that having people crying around him or being all somber and sad could be at all soothing.
Please know that email and snailmail goodbyes are also WONDERFUL. On Friday, Graham had an unusually clear day and I spent much of the day reading to him all the fabulous notes that people sent to him. He loved them. That was a day with a lot of fond smiles.
If you want to visit, just give us a call .
There are some times when it's just not a good time to visit, like when he's getting one of his fabulous massages. Or if someone else is visiting. Or if Graham is just not feeling up to it. So please call right before you want to come to see if it's a good time.
The hospice folks gave me a book about what to expect in his last days, and it says that often in the last week or few days, the dying person often doesn't want to have visitors, even family and close friends! So please don't be offended if Graham suddenly decides he doesn't want to see you. It's just the natural process of turning away from this world to the next one.
At the same time, "Graham on drugs" enjoys having visitors and I hate to deprive him of that pleasure. Also, hey, the dying process is a part of life and we are all going to go through it. Many of you have already experienced it with other loved ones. So I'm sure our nice friends would not think less of Graham for simply being human.
We had such a wonderful visit with Joan T and her husband yesterday. So, I'm back to leaning toward saying yes to non-family visitors for short (5-10 minutes) visits.
Joan and her hubby were the perfect visitors. They were cheerful yet caring. They didn't expect Graham to have a normal conversation with them, but they knew that he was still listening (in the hazy way that someone does when he's half asleep). Joan told Graham what he meant to her, why she enjoyed working with him, the qualities about him that she admired...They cheered us up, touched our hearts, but also knew to keep the visit brief, because it is hard for Graham to stay awake.
I'm doing my best to surround Graham in a cheerful but serene atmosphere. While it's natural to tear up when contemplating Graham leaving us, I strive to not outright cry in front of him. I just can't imagine that having people crying around him or being all somber and sad could be at all soothing.
Please know that email and snailmail goodbyes are also WONDERFUL. On Friday, Graham had an unusually clear day and I spent much of the day reading to him all the fabulous notes that people sent to him. He loved them. That was a day with a lot of fond smiles.
If you want to visit, just give us a call .
There are some times when it's just not a good time to visit, like when he's getting one of his fabulous massages. Or if someone else is visiting. Or if Graham is just not feeling up to it. So please call right before you want to come to see if it's a good time.
The hospice folks gave me a book about what to expect in his last days, and it says that often in the last week or few days, the dying person often doesn't want to have visitors, even family and close friends! So please don't be offended if Graham suddenly decides he doesn't want to see you. It's just the natural process of turning away from this world to the next one.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Graham the Charmer
Graham is so sweet. He's loaded up with morphine and dilaudid, in and out of sleep all day. When he does talk, it mostly isn't very clear. You can tell he has something to say, but the words just don't come out right. But what came out crystal clear when two nurses aides walked into the room this morning? "And what can I do for you two lovely ladies today?" His charm and sweet nature are apparently hard-wired into him!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Graham Out of Ammo in his Cancer Fight
Dear Family and Friends,
Graham has put up a very tenacious fight against his crazy aggressive cancer, but, I'm sorry to say, we're officially out of ammunition now. Yesterday's PET-scan showed that the cancer has once again spread into his brain, and has advanced much further throughout his body. More chemo or radiation would have no benefit and might actually hasten his death. So we're focusing now on pain management and making him as comfortable and mellow as possible: massages, soothing music, bird watching, reading him the wonderful emails and cards so many of you continue to send... The doctor thinks Graham has a month or so left with us, probably less.
Graham is sleeping quite a bit now, so it's tough to reach him by phone. But if you want to send him an email or card, I will be sure to read it to him. Hearing from y'all always brings a smile to his face.
Thanks to all of you who have helped Graham through this challenging time, surrounding him with such love and appreciation, making him feel cherished with your visits, calls, cards, emails and care packages.
We wish you a happy Hanukkah or Christmas and a new year filled with health, love, purpose and joy.
Graham has put up a very tenacious fight against his crazy aggressive cancer, but, I'm sorry to say, we're officially out of ammunition now. Yesterday's PET-scan showed that the cancer has once again spread into his brain, and has advanced much further throughout his body. More chemo or radiation would have no benefit and might actually hasten his death. So we're focusing now on pain management and making him as comfortable and mellow as possible: massages, soothing music, bird watching, reading him the wonderful emails and cards so many of you continue to send... The doctor thinks Graham has a month or so left with us, probably less.
Graham is sleeping quite a bit now, so it's tough to reach him by phone. But if you want to send him an email or card, I will be sure to read it to him. Hearing from y'all always brings a smile to his face.
Thanks to all of you who have helped Graham through this challenging time, surrounding him with such love and appreciation, making him feel cherished with your visits, calls, cards, emails and care packages.
We wish you a happy Hanukkah or Christmas and a new year filled with health, love, purpose and joy.
Perfect Hanukkah Menorah for Graham, the avid cyclist!
I even got to tell the artist what color to make the shorts, shirt and wheels.
Love,
Lee
P.S. A couple of people have asked how to see the older posts that have seemingly disappeared from the blog lineup. Just click on "Older Posts" at the bottom right of the last blog post. Or, click on the archives in the righthand menu. There, you can read them month by month, from April through today.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Say What?
The nurses and nursing assistants (CNAs) here are so sweet. One of the CNAs who particularly dotes on Graham came up to me at the end of her shift to say that she would have two days off. And then she said, "If something happens to your husband while I'm gone, I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed knowing him. He's such a good man. Please give him a kiss for me. "
Well of course on the one hand, I was very touched. I hugged her and thanked her. But ON THE OTHER HAND, say what? She thinks Graham might die in the next two days??? The staff here do see a lot of death, and likely know what signs to look for, so needless to say, I was very spooked.
Since Graham has been going through so much this past week, I've asked both the Manor Care doctor and our usual oncologist if Graham might be close to the end. The Manor Care doctor was more pessimistic. She felt that the swelling (lymphedema, ascites), lack of appetite, and the beginning of some wheezing did indicate that he's approaching the end. BUT, since he's forcing himself to eat, she said that he is staving off death, and that death wasn't expected immediately. But if he stopped eating, he would likely go into kidney failure within a few days and die a painless death. She said that the lack of appetite was the body's way of bringing on a pain-free death, because kidney failure releases some chemical or something that acts as a natural pain-killer. The patient gets very sleepy, until he eventually is sleeping all day, and just gently and gradually passes away.
Our regular oncologist was more blase, said the test results were not that alarming, that Graham has actually been worse before, and that she's still expecting him to come to Stanford on Wednesday for his PET-CT scan, doctor's appointment and chemo. Phew! I'll take that opinion, thank you.
Graham woke up today with a high fever of 102.6, felt pretty bad, and asked for pain meds. We gave him a heavier dose than usual, along with regular doses of Tylenol, and he slept almost the whole day. His fever is down to 100.6. He woke up around dinnertime, ate a pretty good amount, and then went right back to sleep. He's snoozing away as I type.
The blood and urine tests done recently didn't indicate any infections, so the fever is likely "tumor fever," which happens when someone has a heavy tumor burden. Graham has had tumor fever off and on before. It waxes and wanes, based on how effective a particular treatment was. But, since the cancer has always come back, the tumors regrow, and then the fevers and chills return.
Is it really only 10 days to Christmas and 6 days until Hanukkah?? Where did Autumn go to?
Well of course on the one hand, I was very touched. I hugged her and thanked her. But ON THE OTHER HAND, say what? She thinks Graham might die in the next two days??? The staff here do see a lot of death, and likely know what signs to look for, so needless to say, I was very spooked.
Since Graham has been going through so much this past week, I've asked both the Manor Care doctor and our usual oncologist if Graham might be close to the end. The Manor Care doctor was more pessimistic. She felt that the swelling (lymphedema, ascites), lack of appetite, and the beginning of some wheezing did indicate that he's approaching the end. BUT, since he's forcing himself to eat, she said that he is staving off death, and that death wasn't expected immediately. But if he stopped eating, he would likely go into kidney failure within a few days and die a painless death. She said that the lack of appetite was the body's way of bringing on a pain-free death, because kidney failure releases some chemical or something that acts as a natural pain-killer. The patient gets very sleepy, until he eventually is sleeping all day, and just gently and gradually passes away.
Our regular oncologist was more blase, said the test results were not that alarming, that Graham has actually been worse before, and that she's still expecting him to come to Stanford on Wednesday for his PET-CT scan, doctor's appointment and chemo. Phew! I'll take that opinion, thank you.
Graham woke up today with a high fever of 102.6, felt pretty bad, and asked for pain meds. We gave him a heavier dose than usual, along with regular doses of Tylenol, and he slept almost the whole day. His fever is down to 100.6. He woke up around dinnertime, ate a pretty good amount, and then went right back to sleep. He's snoozing away as I type.
The blood and urine tests done recently didn't indicate any infections, so the fever is likely "tumor fever," which happens when someone has a heavy tumor burden. Graham has had tumor fever off and on before. It waxes and wanes, based on how effective a particular treatment was. But, since the cancer has always come back, the tumors regrow, and then the fevers and chills return.
Is it really only 10 days to Christmas and 6 days until Hanukkah?? Where did Autumn go to?
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Nothing Can Be Done for Swelling
We got the test results back around midnight, so we didn't need to go to the ER. The good news is that his kidneys and bladder are fine. The bad news is that the swelling and pain are cancer-related and can't be helped by taking diuretics or doing any kind of procedure. What I think the doctor said is that the lymph fluid is backing up because the lymph system is so clogged with tumors, so that surrounding tissue gets somewhat flooded/swollen. And unfortunately, there's no way to drain the fluid, since it's system-wide.
I was really hoping that it was something else, so that we could take some action and stop Graham's pain. Unfortunately, it means that this will be an ongoing problem that can only be dealt with through pain medications. I feel so bad for Graham that he has to go through this. He so doesn't deserve it!
AHHHH, MASSAGE:
Graham had a wonderful massage today from the massage therapist he had previously used at Stanford Hospital. It's tough on the muscles to be in bed so much, so a deep massage really helps.
Ahhhh, we love massages. I sometimes go for a haircut when I don't quite need one yet, just because the hair stylist gives a heavenly head massage during the shampoo.
It's great when you can just close your eyes and totally relax. And you can do that when you don't have to stare at the person giving you a massage. Which is what makes those hand and arm massages that some manicurists like to give so freaky weird. You're like two feet from them, face to face, while they're massaging your arm. Where do you look? What do you say? Ugh. So awkward!
I was really hoping that it was something else, so that we could take some action and stop Graham's pain. Unfortunately, it means that this will be an ongoing problem that can only be dealt with through pain medications. I feel so bad for Graham that he has to go through this. He so doesn't deserve it!
AHHHH, MASSAGE:
Graham had a wonderful massage today from the massage therapist he had previously used at Stanford Hospital. It's tough on the muscles to be in bed so much, so a deep massage really helps.
Ahhhh, we love massages. I sometimes go for a haircut when I don't quite need one yet, just because the hair stylist gives a heavenly head massage during the shampoo.
It's great when you can just close your eyes and totally relax. And you can do that when you don't have to stare at the person giving you a massage. Which is what makes those hand and arm massages that some manicurists like to give so freaky weird. You're like two feet from them, face to face, while they're massaging your arm. Where do you look? What do you say? Ugh. So awkward!
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Should I Stay or Should I Go Now....to the ER?
Graham's been having a rough few days. Lots of belly pain, lots of bloating. Not sure if it's related to the bladder, intestines, spleen, kidneys, or a build up of fluid in the tissues just because of the spread of the cancer. Every day for the past 3 days, there's been an attempt to get some tests done to figure it out, but due to errors by the doctor and the technician, the tests either didn't get done, or were done incorrectly. Arrrghhh. The doctor and technician both seem very caring and nice, but, what are ya gonna do, people make mistakes. ( I could write a very long HORRIFYING book on this topic, particularly about nurses and catheters.)
After telling the Manor Care doctor we were ready to go to the ER to finally get some answers, she decided to get the tests done STAT (the squeaky wheel does indeed get the oil). Hopefully we'll have some answers in a few hours. If not, particularly since Graham now has a fever of 101.2, we'll scedaddle to the ER.
In the meantime, Graham has been on dilaudid (not sure if that's spelled right), a really good pain drug that works quickly, just about around the clock. It relieves the pain, but it basically means he sleeps most of the day.
BIRDS!!
Something that Graham has really been enjoying is bird watching. I got some bird feeders especially designed to attract finches, and yeah baby, they really work. They're sort of like netted socks filled with I don't know what, but 10 minutes after I hung them on the tree by our window, dozens of finches were swarming around them. For hours every day, we have constant activity, usually about 16 birds at a time.
It's interesting watching their behavior. Most of the birds will patiently wait their turn, giving the birds who are currently feeding some space, But then, inevitably, a couple of snotty birds will break in line, and this starts a whole chain reaction of rudeness among the birds. It's sad that the "good" birds don't chastise the rude birds, but instead just become more rude themselves.
THANKS: Thank you Ellen H for always being there for us. I really appreciate you hanging out with Graham yesterday and today so I could go visit Micki and get some errands done. Graham enjoys your company. And thanks for lending us the nice lamp for our room. You truly did brighten our day in more ways than one!
Gary, you're such a wonderful brother and brother-in-law. Whether it's spending evenings with us, bringing a smile to Graham's face with silly jokes or PEZ dispensers, or bringing a great mattress for me to sleep on, you always think of ways to help us out.
Alice S, thanks for continuing to take care of Micki! It's such a relief knowing Micki is happy and loved.
Joan T, you are some kind of mind-reader. A couple of days ago, I was taking Graham out for a "stroll" in his wheelchair, and the poor guy was freezing even though he had two blankets around him. I made a note to myself to go buy two warmer and snugglier blankets. And then I went to the house today to water plants and check the mail, and what awaited me, but a wonderful gift box from Genentech, with two gorgeous soft warm throw blankets from Joan (and some other lovely and fun gifts, such as a squeaky toy for Micki). How perfect!! And thanks for sending the hilarious You Tube: Beware of the Doghouse. It reminded Graham and me of our first Hanukkah gift exchange with each other. (To watch the short video, go to the "Interesting Stuff" section to the right. Enjoy!)
Ruska, you know me so well. There are fewer things I enjoy more than unusual teapots and exotic teas. How fun to get a whole collection of flowering teas to experience with a pretty new teapot. Graham loved the message in your card.
Thanks River Bend (Missouri) neighbors Lynn, Jaye, Don, Marilyn and Ron for your lovely cards this week. And thanks Diane, Steve and Carol for staying in touch. We miss y'all!
After telling the Manor Care doctor we were ready to go to the ER to finally get some answers, she decided to get the tests done STAT (the squeaky wheel does indeed get the oil). Hopefully we'll have some answers in a few hours. If not, particularly since Graham now has a fever of 101.2, we'll scedaddle to the ER.
In the meantime, Graham has been on dilaudid (not sure if that's spelled right), a really good pain drug that works quickly, just about around the clock. It relieves the pain, but it basically means he sleeps most of the day.
BIRDS!!
Something that Graham has really been enjoying is bird watching. I got some bird feeders especially designed to attract finches, and yeah baby, they really work. They're sort of like netted socks filled with I don't know what, but 10 minutes after I hung them on the tree by our window, dozens of finches were swarming around them. For hours every day, we have constant activity, usually about 16 birds at a time.
It's interesting watching their behavior. Most of the birds will patiently wait their turn, giving the birds who are currently feeding some space, But then, inevitably, a couple of snotty birds will break in line, and this starts a whole chain reaction of rudeness among the birds. It's sad that the "good" birds don't chastise the rude birds, but instead just become more rude themselves.
THANKS: Thank you Ellen H for always being there for us. I really appreciate you hanging out with Graham yesterday and today so I could go visit Micki and get some errands done. Graham enjoys your company. And thanks for lending us the nice lamp for our room. You truly did brighten our day in more ways than one!
Gary, you're such a wonderful brother and brother-in-law. Whether it's spending evenings with us, bringing a smile to Graham's face with silly jokes or PEZ dispensers, or bringing a great mattress for me to sleep on, you always think of ways to help us out.
Alice S, thanks for continuing to take care of Micki! It's such a relief knowing Micki is happy and loved.
Joan T, you are some kind of mind-reader. A couple of days ago, I was taking Graham out for a "stroll" in his wheelchair, and the poor guy was freezing even though he had two blankets around him. I made a note to myself to go buy two warmer and snugglier blankets. And then I went to the house today to water plants and check the mail, and what awaited me, but a wonderful gift box from Genentech, with two gorgeous soft warm throw blankets from Joan (and some other lovely and fun gifts, such as a squeaky toy for Micki). How perfect!! And thanks for sending the hilarious You Tube: Beware of the Doghouse. It reminded Graham and me of our first Hanukkah gift exchange with each other. (To watch the short video, go to the "Interesting Stuff" section to the right. Enjoy!)
Ruska, you know me so well. There are fewer things I enjoy more than unusual teapots and exotic teas. How fun to get a whole collection of flowering teas to experience with a pretty new teapot. Graham loved the message in your card.
Thanks River Bend (Missouri) neighbors Lynn, Jaye, Don, Marilyn and Ron for your lovely cards this week. And thanks Diane, Steve and Carol for staying in touch. We miss y'all!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Out of the Hospital!!! Screamers & Clueless Clerks
OMG, that was a long stay at Stanford. A whole week! But this evening, Graham finally got sprung. The neupogen shots reversed the neutropenia and the Cipro and other antibiotics have mostly got the infections under control. Just as he was leaving the hospital, he got chills, but at that moment he didn't have a fever, so they let him go. Back at Manor Care they checked his temp and he's up to 101. They've got the IV antibiotics going, which is what Stanford would have done, so I think it's fine if he stays out of the hospital.
We had a "screamer" in the room next to us, a patient who was so out of it, that every few hours, she would launch a startlingly loud tirade against the nurses trying to help her. We feel compassion for her, but nonetheless, it's GREAT to have some miles between us!
Because Graham isn't totally over the infections yet, Dr. A. has postponed chemo for at least a week.
He didn't get much physical therapy in the hospital, so he may have to just about start over with that here.
Did I tell y'all about my experience with applying for long term disability from the Social Security Administration for Graham? Oy. I went for the interview and the clerk never asked what his prognosis was or how the cancer affects his ability to work. All she asked were irrelevant questions like "how long does he stand each day at work?", or "how do the medications he is taking affect his ability to work?" I waited patiently for a question that would get to the heart of his disability, like "why can't he work?" (cancer in the brain diminishing his ability to think clearly...needing to sleep 16 hours a day...), but nope, it never came. I told myself to be patient and just provide the vital info at the end, but I'm embarrassed to say that I was so tired by the end of all the inane questions, that I had sort of gone into a daze and completely forgot to say, "Excuse me, but you never asked about the CANCER!!!!" Luckily I needed to provide them with one more document the following day, which allowed me to insert a short note with the vital info. We'll see what happens. If they actually read the medical documentation they requested, it will be obvious to them. But the person helping me didn't seem remotely interested in it. I'm not even sure she understood that non-Hodgkins lymphoma is cancer. And she also got really annoyed when she heard how high Graham's salary was, as if it offended her in some way. What's up with that??
THANKS: Thanks Kayla S (daughter of Joni and Bernard from FL) for the beautiful artwork you made for Graham. Graham put it up on the wall right beside his bed so he can see it every day.
We've gotten a number of wonderful cards and notes from Genentech folks. Your thoughtfulness is much appreciated!
We had a "screamer" in the room next to us, a patient who was so out of it, that every few hours, she would launch a startlingly loud tirade against the nurses trying to help her. We feel compassion for her, but nonetheless, it's GREAT to have some miles between us!
Because Graham isn't totally over the infections yet, Dr. A. has postponed chemo for at least a week.
He didn't get much physical therapy in the hospital, so he may have to just about start over with that here.
Did I tell y'all about my experience with applying for long term disability from the Social Security Administration for Graham? Oy. I went for the interview and the clerk never asked what his prognosis was or how the cancer affects his ability to work. All she asked were irrelevant questions like "how long does he stand each day at work?", or "how do the medications he is taking affect his ability to work?" I waited patiently for a question that would get to the heart of his disability, like "why can't he work?" (cancer in the brain diminishing his ability to think clearly...needing to sleep 16 hours a day...), but nope, it never came. I told myself to be patient and just provide the vital info at the end, but I'm embarrassed to say that I was so tired by the end of all the inane questions, that I had sort of gone into a daze and completely forgot to say, "Excuse me, but you never asked about the CANCER!!!!" Luckily I needed to provide them with one more document the following day, which allowed me to insert a short note with the vital info. We'll see what happens. If they actually read the medical documentation they requested, it will be obvious to them. But the person helping me didn't seem remotely interested in it. I'm not even sure she understood that non-Hodgkins lymphoma is cancer. And she also got really annoyed when she heard how high Graham's salary was, as if it offended her in some way. What's up with that??
THANKS: Thanks Kayla S (daughter of Joni and Bernard from FL) for the beautiful artwork you made for Graham. Graham put it up on the wall right beside his bed so he can see it every day.
We've gotten a number of wonderful cards and notes from Genentech folks. Your thoughtfulness is much appreciated!
Monday, December 8, 2008
Double Whammy: Neutropenia & Fever
As Gilda Radner used to say, "It's always something." Today Graham got hit with a double whammy. He's gone into neutropenia (white blood cells took a dive and he's really susceptible to infection) and his fever came back. They transferred him to a private room. So I wonder if they'll let him out of the hospital tomorrow.
The course of Graham's disease has tended to go in plunges and plateaus. He's stable for a while, then something happens and some aspect of his health goes way downhill, but then we get used to the "new normal," go merrily on our way for a while, until the next plunge.
I'm sort of thinking a new plunge might be around the corner, but I hope I'm wrong.
We had a delightful visit with Rabbi Ezray today. What a sweetheart of a man. He exudes warmth and caring. He's had some pretty tough challenges thrown his way over the years, and like Graham, he also handles them with grace and kindness.
He's leaving shortly with 60 people from our congregation on a 3 week trip to Israel. We had originally planned to be part of the group, before Graham's cancer turned aggressive.
There are so many social, political, volunteer, religious and cultural events and activities that we would normally have enthusiastically done over the months, except for Graham's health crisis, and frankly, it's amazing how little we've missed them. Our calendar from the beginning of the year had something, usually several somethings, on almost every day of the month. Then, around April, we started only going to special events. From mid-June onward, the calendar is almost only filled with doctor's appointments.
It's far easier to "drop out" than I ever imagined. And I'm really good at saying "no" now. I used to have terrible guilt trips whenever I felt compelled to turn down a speaking gig or a volunteer opportunity, but now, not a problem! We do miss hanging out with our friends though.
And the Israel trip. Alas. Both Graham and I really regret not being able to go. For such a tiny country, there's always something new and wonderful and magical to see. And it's always a different experience depending on who you go with. It would have been so amazing to go with the sweet people from our synagogue. We're looking forward to a visit from Rabbi Ezray upon his return to hear about their adventures.
The course of Graham's disease has tended to go in plunges and plateaus. He's stable for a while, then something happens and some aspect of his health goes way downhill, but then we get used to the "new normal," go merrily on our way for a while, until the next plunge.
I'm sort of thinking a new plunge might be around the corner, but I hope I'm wrong.
We had a delightful visit with Rabbi Ezray today. What a sweetheart of a man. He exudes warmth and caring. He's had some pretty tough challenges thrown his way over the years, and like Graham, he also handles them with grace and kindness.
He's leaving shortly with 60 people from our congregation on a 3 week trip to Israel. We had originally planned to be part of the group, before Graham's cancer turned aggressive.
There are so many social, political, volunteer, religious and cultural events and activities that we would normally have enthusiastically done over the months, except for Graham's health crisis, and frankly, it's amazing how little we've missed them. Our calendar from the beginning of the year had something, usually several somethings, on almost every day of the month. Then, around April, we started only going to special events. From mid-June onward, the calendar is almost only filled with doctor's appointments.
It's far easier to "drop out" than I ever imagined. And I'm really good at saying "no" now. I used to have terrible guilt trips whenever I felt compelled to turn down a speaking gig or a volunteer opportunity, but now, not a problem! We do miss hanging out with our friends though.
And the Israel trip. Alas. Both Graham and I really regret not being able to go. For such a tiny country, there's always something new and wonderful and magical to see. And it's always a different experience depending on who you go with. It would have been so amazing to go with the sweet people from our synagogue. We're looking forward to a visit from Rabbi Ezray upon his return to hear about their adventures.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Fever Finally Breaks
Graham, still smiling, with cousin Karen and brother Gary.
Aunt Marie and cousin KarenWow, the staph infection Graham had surely did hang on for dear life. Graham had a fever and was extremely lethargic from Wednesday through this morning (Sunday). He's feeling so much better and more energetic now! Hopefully we'll get to leave the hospital Tuesday.
We had a lovely visit with Graham's cousin Karen and aunt Marie from Bethesda, as well as brother Gary. They always bring cheer and warmth.
Marie really touched my heart when she told me I would be family forever with them.
We had a lovely visit with Graham's cousin Karen and aunt Marie from Bethesda, as well as brother Gary. They always bring cheer and warmth.
Marie really touched my heart when she told me I would be family forever with them.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Good Timing; Gross Me Out
GOOD TIMING:
We came to Stanford on Wednesday for radiation and chemo, and a day later, we're still here!
Tuesday night Graham had a very slight fever, the first one in a long time. Wednesday morning, we arrived at Stanford at 8:30am, and his fever started to increase. Along with doing the last radiation treatment and a chemo treatment, they checked for an infection, and sure enough, he's got one. They gave him some IV antibiotic and were all set to send him back to Manor Care, but then Graham's fever went sky high, he started getting rigors (big time chills and shaking), and his pulse stayed in the 140's. So they admitted him to the hospital and have given him all kinds of good vitamins, minerals, liquids, and medications to help him feel much better. He'll likely leave the hospital Friday afternoon.
His timing was so excellent that he was at Stanford when everything got scary. Manor Care has nurses and an on-call doctor, but it was much better to be at Stanford with a bunch of doctors and an extensive pharmacy when his body went haywire.
GROSS ME OUT:
Apparently someone at Stanford Hospital has a pet donkey or pony that they sneaked into the hospital. And I guess they didn't feel like taking it outside to go potty, because when I went to use the public restroom last night, I found that some barnyard animal had sprayed urine all over the toilet and bathroom, and didn't even bother to flush what little actually made it into the toilet.
No, you say? Well okay, maybe it wasn't a barnyard animal. But I prefer to think it was a hapless beast, or maybe some lost child raised by wolves, than a TOTALLY SELFISH DISGUSTING HUMAN BEING WHO INTENTIONALLY LEFT SUCH A MESS.
I actually got a little insight into this strange creepy repulsive behavior from an old housemate of mine back in the 80's. She seemed like such a swell, refined, thoughtful person. But then I got to know her.
Turns out her nutty mother taught her that public toilet seats were NEVER to be touched by any part of her body, and that she should STAND OVER the seat to do her business, and then flush using her shoe.
So her pure behind stays pristine, while she has taken a perfectly clean toilet and bathroom and turned it into a filthy nightmare for all who follow her.
Grrrrrrr.
We came to Stanford on Wednesday for radiation and chemo, and a day later, we're still here!
Tuesday night Graham had a very slight fever, the first one in a long time. Wednesday morning, we arrived at Stanford at 8:30am, and his fever started to increase. Along with doing the last radiation treatment and a chemo treatment, they checked for an infection, and sure enough, he's got one. They gave him some IV antibiotic and were all set to send him back to Manor Care, but then Graham's fever went sky high, he started getting rigors (big time chills and shaking), and his pulse stayed in the 140's. So they admitted him to the hospital and have given him all kinds of good vitamins, minerals, liquids, and medications to help him feel much better. He'll likely leave the hospital Friday afternoon.
His timing was so excellent that he was at Stanford when everything got scary. Manor Care has nurses and an on-call doctor, but it was much better to be at Stanford with a bunch of doctors and an extensive pharmacy when his body went haywire.
GROSS ME OUT:
Apparently someone at Stanford Hospital has a pet donkey or pony that they sneaked into the hospital. And I guess they didn't feel like taking it outside to go potty, because when I went to use the public restroom last night, I found that some barnyard animal had sprayed urine all over the toilet and bathroom, and didn't even bother to flush what little actually made it into the toilet.
No, you say? Well okay, maybe it wasn't a barnyard animal. But I prefer to think it was a hapless beast, or maybe some lost child raised by wolves, than a TOTALLY SELFISH DISGUSTING HUMAN BEING WHO INTENTIONALLY LEFT SUCH A MESS.
I actually got a little insight into this strange creepy repulsive behavior from an old housemate of mine back in the 80's. She seemed like such a swell, refined, thoughtful person. But then I got to know her.
Turns out her nutty mother taught her that public toilet seats were NEVER to be touched by any part of her body, and that she should STAND OVER the seat to do her business, and then flush using her shoe.
So her pure behind stays pristine, while she has taken a perfectly clean toilet and bathroom and turned it into a filthy nightmare for all who follow her.
Grrrrrrr.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Operation Bird Feeder
I did something sneaky, but I feel pretty good about it. There was a nice bird feeder by Graham's window in his first room here at Manor Care. But no birds ever visited, because it was placed too close to the window, which spooked the birds.
So after Graham moved to his private room last Wednesday, I got up super early Thursday, before anyone was up, and moved the bird feeder in front of the window of his new room. I placed it far enough away from us for the birds' comfort, but close enough for Graham to be able to see them well. Then I filled it with sunflower birdseed, which they seem to love. Apparently there is an art to properly pouring seed in, because on my first try it all went in the feeder and then immediately straight out of the holes and onto the ground! Arrghhh. I eventually got the hang of it, though, and the bird feeder is quite the happening place now. We've seen all kinds of gorgeous birds and Graham really enjoys watching them.
If the bird feeder had been working in the old location, I would have just bought a new one for the new room. But hey, no sense wasting an unused one!
Graham has his last radiation appointment tomorrow. Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And, the other good news is that he can finally get more chemo now, to hopefully slow down some of the new cancer growth elsewhere in the body. He'll be getting that tomorrow too.
For his comfort, Graham has been going to his Stanford appointments by ambulance (paid for by the ever generous Aetna), which is quite an interesting experience. The ambulance drivers (paramedics, EMTs?) are so fabulous. They have all been hilarious, cheerful, caring, competent, strong and commanding. One feels totally safe (and entertained) with them. I think a lot of them are ex-military guys and gals. They're very intense and focused.
We're looking forward to a visit from Graham's cousin Karen and Aunt Marie from Bethesda Friday through Sunday.
THANKS for all the lovely cards and emails. They brighten our day (and the walls of the room).
Leegreenmo@aol.com
So after Graham moved to his private room last Wednesday, I got up super early Thursday, before anyone was up, and moved the bird feeder in front of the window of his new room. I placed it far enough away from us for the birds' comfort, but close enough for Graham to be able to see them well. Then I filled it with sunflower birdseed, which they seem to love. Apparently there is an art to properly pouring seed in, because on my first try it all went in the feeder and then immediately straight out of the holes and onto the ground! Arrghhh. I eventually got the hang of it, though, and the bird feeder is quite the happening place now. We've seen all kinds of gorgeous birds and Graham really enjoys watching them.
If the bird feeder had been working in the old location, I would have just bought a new one for the new room. But hey, no sense wasting an unused one!
Graham has his last radiation appointment tomorrow. Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And, the other good news is that he can finally get more chemo now, to hopefully slow down some of the new cancer growth elsewhere in the body. He'll be getting that tomorrow too.
For his comfort, Graham has been going to his Stanford appointments by ambulance (paid for by the ever generous Aetna), which is quite an interesting experience. The ambulance drivers (paramedics, EMTs?) are so fabulous. They have all been hilarious, cheerful, caring, competent, strong and commanding. One feels totally safe (and entertained) with them. I think a lot of them are ex-military guys and gals. They're very intense and focused.
We're looking forward to a visit from Graham's cousin Karen and Aunt Marie from Bethesda Friday through Sunday.
THANKS for all the lovely cards and emails. They brighten our day (and the walls of the room).
Leegreenmo@aol.com
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Boot Camp; Thanksgiving Mystery Meat
Manor Care is sort of like boot camp for the both of us. We wake up at the crack of dawn and do a lot of physical work throughout the day. We go to bed early, totally exhausted.
Graham is doing upper body exercises to strengthen his arm power and to train new trunk muscles to help him keep his balance. Just sitting in a chair is exhausting for him because it's using different muscles. Right now he's up to 90 minutes at a time before his back muscles start to completely rebel. He also does leg exercises with whatever muscles will still obey.
I'm being trained to take his legs through their whole range of motion to keep his muscles from tightening. This involves a lot of leg lifting and rotating. It's enjoyable for me to have an excuse to grab and fondle Graham's gorgeous legs, but it is a workout, because legs are pretty darn heavy. It's probably the most painful exercise for Graham unfortunately, because his muscles just love to be tight.
Thanksgiving...
We enjoyed a visit from John, Erika and their dog Shiloh. We took our first walk around the neighborhood and learned how to navigate sidewalks with the wheelchair.
After they left, I went to bring our dog Micki for a visit. She was so happy to see Graham! But he at first didn't want to let her up on the bed, so she just kept pacing and exploring the room, not settling down. Finally Graham let her join him in bed and she sighed with contentment and went to sleep snuggling in between his ankles, with her head on his leg.
Graham was given a very nice turkey lunch, which I thought was turkey overkill, since turkey dinner awaited us.
Graham's brother Gary joined us in the afternoon, and we eagerly awaited our Thanksgiving feast. Gary and I had ordered a guest meal, which they had labeled "Chef's choice." We took it for granted that it would be some kind of lavish turkey meal, so imagine our surprise when we found on our plate something that looked suspiciously like meatloaf. But no, it wasn't exactly ground beef, it was sort of in pieces. We still haven't determined what it was, but we knew for certain that it wasn't turkey. Turns out that the lunch was the turkey feast, and dinner was, well, a mystery. I did some pitiful pleading, though, and the kitchen kindly sent us some stellar turkey sandwiches. Gary had brought some cranberry relish and other goodies from his friend Jan, so in the end, we had our traditional meal. (Thanks, Jan!)
Hard to be fully joyful though on a day full of such terrible news about the terrorist attack in India. But we can be thankful that we live in a culture that cherishes freedom, life and intellectual curiosity, in contrast to the brutish culture of the totalitarian militant Islamist supremacists.
While we're sad for all the victims and their families, the attack against the Chabad house (the "Jewish Center") hit us more viscerally. Graham has relatives, Goldie and David, who are Chabad Lubavichers, and we remember the wonderful Sabbath dinners they would invite us (and dozens of others) to share at their home.
What the news reports haven't really explained is that Chabad doesn't seek to convert non-Jews; their goal is to bring Jews closer to Judaism. So they set up these small "centers" which are really nothing more than a home with a big dining room table, where Jews know they can go to find warm hospitality, services, interesting pressure-free discussions on topics such as kindness or how to live a meaningful life, and a fantastic Sabbath dinner with lots of singing.
Gavi and Rivka, the young rabbi and his wife who were slaughtered, left their family and friends in the United States to provide hospitality and synagogue services to Jewish backpackers and business people traveling in Mambai. It's totally pathetic that the Islamists would specifically target them. "That rabbi's wife cooks a tasty chicken. She's gotta go." But I guess killing Jews will ensure that the attack will be celebrated by many in the Muslim world who have been brainwashed to think of all Jews as evil. Sad, sad, sad that basically good people can be "educated" to believe such nonsense.
In memory of Gavi and Rivka and the many other victims, let's do an extra act of hospitality this week. Invite a new neighbor to dinner...go chat with an old neighbor you haven't seen in a while...send a Christmas or Hanukkah card to a soldier...roll your neighbor's garbage can back to his garage after garbage pickup...I'm gonna go chat with more of our "neighbors" down the hall.
Graham is doing upper body exercises to strengthen his arm power and to train new trunk muscles to help him keep his balance. Just sitting in a chair is exhausting for him because it's using different muscles. Right now he's up to 90 minutes at a time before his back muscles start to completely rebel. He also does leg exercises with whatever muscles will still obey.
I'm being trained to take his legs through their whole range of motion to keep his muscles from tightening. This involves a lot of leg lifting and rotating. It's enjoyable for me to have an excuse to grab and fondle Graham's gorgeous legs, but it is a workout, because legs are pretty darn heavy. It's probably the most painful exercise for Graham unfortunately, because his muscles just love to be tight.
Thanksgiving...
We enjoyed a visit from John, Erika and their dog Shiloh. We took our first walk around the neighborhood and learned how to navigate sidewalks with the wheelchair.
After they left, I went to bring our dog Micki for a visit. She was so happy to see Graham! But he at first didn't want to let her up on the bed, so she just kept pacing and exploring the room, not settling down. Finally Graham let her join him in bed and she sighed with contentment and went to sleep snuggling in between his ankles, with her head on his leg.
Graham was given a very nice turkey lunch, which I thought was turkey overkill, since turkey dinner awaited us.
Graham's brother Gary joined us in the afternoon, and we eagerly awaited our Thanksgiving feast. Gary and I had ordered a guest meal, which they had labeled "Chef's choice." We took it for granted that it would be some kind of lavish turkey meal, so imagine our surprise when we found on our plate something that looked suspiciously like meatloaf. But no, it wasn't exactly ground beef, it was sort of in pieces. We still haven't determined what it was, but we knew for certain that it wasn't turkey. Turns out that the lunch was the turkey feast, and dinner was, well, a mystery. I did some pitiful pleading, though, and the kitchen kindly sent us some stellar turkey sandwiches. Gary had brought some cranberry relish and other goodies from his friend Jan, so in the end, we had our traditional meal. (Thanks, Jan!)
Hard to be fully joyful though on a day full of such terrible news about the terrorist attack in India. But we can be thankful that we live in a culture that cherishes freedom, life and intellectual curiosity, in contrast to the brutish culture of the totalitarian militant Islamist supremacists.
While we're sad for all the victims and their families, the attack against the Chabad house (the "Jewish Center") hit us more viscerally. Graham has relatives, Goldie and David, who are Chabad Lubavichers, and we remember the wonderful Sabbath dinners they would invite us (and dozens of others) to share at their home.
What the news reports haven't really explained is that Chabad doesn't seek to convert non-Jews; their goal is to bring Jews closer to Judaism. So they set up these small "centers" which are really nothing more than a home with a big dining room table, where Jews know they can go to find warm hospitality, services, interesting pressure-free discussions on topics such as kindness or how to live a meaningful life, and a fantastic Sabbath dinner with lots of singing.
Gavi and Rivka, the young rabbi and his wife who were slaughtered, left their family and friends in the United States to provide hospitality and synagogue services to Jewish backpackers and business people traveling in Mambai. It's totally pathetic that the Islamists would specifically target them. "That rabbi's wife cooks a tasty chicken. She's gotta go." But I guess killing Jews will ensure that the attack will be celebrated by many in the Muslim world who have been brainwashed to think of all Jews as evil. Sad, sad, sad that basically good people can be "educated" to believe such nonsense.
In memory of Gavi and Rivka and the many other victims, let's do an extra act of hospitality this week. Invite a new neighbor to dinner...go chat with an old neighbor you haven't seen in a while...send a Christmas or Hanukkah card to a soldier...roll your neighbor's garbage can back to his garage after garbage pickup...I'm gonna go chat with more of our "neighbors" down the hall.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Nurses to the rescue!
Thank goodness we're not at home. Graham woke up early this morning in terrible pain. His catheter had become blocked, which caused a lot of bladder pain. I informed the Manor Care staff of the problem, and the nurses came running. He was given pain medication and a new catheter was quickly and relatively painlessly put in. If we had been at home, we would have had to call 911 and go to the ER. It would have been a horribly painful long ordeal getting it fixed.
Graham did fantastic in physical therapy today! He has made such progress, his therapist Cathy actually cried (out of joy). When she first started with Graham, he couldn't even sit up without flopping over. Now he can balance himself pretty well and move his arms all around at the same time instead of holding on to the bench for dear life. And he's getting faster and faster with his handy dandy sliding transfer board, or whatever the heck those things are called.
We're looking forward to Thanksgiving. Gary will join us for the dinner, and friends John and Erika will come for a visit. Graham will have a break from radiation that day, so I'll have time to go get little Micki and have her stay with us for the day. We haven't seen her for almost two weeks. We can't wait to see how her whole body wiggles with happiness when she first sees us.
What is sort of weird with dogs, though, is that they're just as relieved/excited to see you after you've come back from taking out the garbage for five minutes as they are when you've been away on a two week vacation. Strange but true.
Graham did fantastic in physical therapy today! He has made such progress, his therapist Cathy actually cried (out of joy). When she first started with Graham, he couldn't even sit up without flopping over. Now he can balance himself pretty well and move his arms all around at the same time instead of holding on to the bench for dear life. And he's getting faster and faster with his handy dandy sliding transfer board, or whatever the heck those things are called.
We're looking forward to Thanksgiving. Gary will join us for the dinner, and friends John and Erika will come for a visit. Graham will have a break from radiation that day, so I'll have time to go get little Micki and have her stay with us for the day. We haven't seen her for almost two weeks. We can't wait to see how her whole body wiggles with happiness when she first sees us.
What is sort of weird with dogs, though, is that they're just as relieved/excited to see you after you've come back from taking out the garbage for five minutes as they are when you've been away on a two week vacation. Strange but true.
Although if she follows her usual pattern, Micki will be unhappy to leave our friend Alice's house. Alice cooks chicken and hamburger for her dog and Micki. I only give Micki dry kibble. You can imagine Micki's look of disgust and dismay when she sees the return of her bowl of dry dog food. She looks at it, then looks at me pleadingly, as if to say, "Noooooo!! I want the good wet stuff that Alice gives me!!!! PLEASE. Look how cute I am. Please??" When I don't relent, she looks at the dry food again, and then just sort of sighs and mopes away.
We wish everyone a very happy Thanksgiving Day! We're so thankful for all of our wonderful family and friends who have shown us such amazing support and love. And I'm so thankful that I still have my handsome sweetie here beside me and that he's still happy to be alive.
There's this awful moment every day when, after Graham wakes up and eventually comes out of dreamland, he makes the realization that he's (at least for now) paralyzed from the waist down. You can see him rapidly going through all these emotions ("What the heck is going on here? I can't seem to sit up or move my legs. Holy crap. I can't move! Oh my gosh, I remember now. Oy. Oh well, it is what it is. " ) and then, one little tear starts to roll down his face, but then he literally grits his teeth, quickly wipes the tear away, and gets on with his day.
So, it's not that he's oblivious to his condition. He just chooses to spend his time focusing on what he can do to make progress rather than on what he's lost. True to form, he enjoys the physical challenge of it. Most people hate physical therapy; Graham LOVES it. :-)
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Manor Care
Manor Care, the rehab facility in Sunnyvale, is very lovely. We feel like we're at a posh hotel with congenial room service at our beck and call 24/7. We're in a double room, but there's no roommate yet, so I've been able to sleep here, which is great.
He met with one of the physical therapists today and worked on how to safely get out of bed and into a wheelchair. So much easier when you know what you are doing!! With the right techniques and equipment, it's totally doable with even just one helper, and not even a big hulking one. When we tried this at home, we were so clueless. What surprises me is that the visiting nurses and home health aids that we had hired were also clueless. For example, the wheelchair they had ordered for him...totally wrong kind since you can't take off one of the arms to slide into it using a sliding board. Lesson learned: train with the professionals before attempting at home!
Don't know what to think about progress of radiation. Graham is able to scissor his legs back and forth very nicely, but hasn't been doing as well lifting them up. Time will tell.
We enjoyed visits today from Gary, as well as Ellen, Rick and Zack. Gary had just received several boxes that he had packed when he was clearing out his and Graham's mom's place after her death. He brought over some of his mom's paintings and sketches for Graham to look at, as well as some old correspondence of theirs that their mom had saved for years. It's always fun going down Memory Lane.
Graham is right now choosing his menu selections for the next week. So far, the food has been pretty tasty. But he doesn't have much of an appetite and is forcing himself to eat. Although he will always eat ice cream, so I make sure to have that on hand for him.
Here's our new contact info for the next couple of weeks:
Graham Green, c/o Manor Care
1150 Tilton Drive
Sunnyvale, CA 94087
And you can reach us on my cellphone: 650-242-2265.
From all the pain medication, or maybe just from whatever cancer is left in his brain, Graham sometimes wakes up very disoriented. Also, when he's very tired and just about to fall asleep, his words don't always make sense.
Today he woke up trying to get out of bed, forgetting that he would fall flat on his face. Oh, the interesting conversations we have when he's in utter la-la land! But then, after a few minutes of that, he either wakes up and snaps out of it, or gets some needed sleep.
So if you have a chat with him when he's sleepy, don't be surprised if the conversation takes an odd turn here and there!
He met with one of the physical therapists today and worked on how to safely get out of bed and into a wheelchair. So much easier when you know what you are doing!! With the right techniques and equipment, it's totally doable with even just one helper, and not even a big hulking one. When we tried this at home, we were so clueless. What surprises me is that the visiting nurses and home health aids that we had hired were also clueless. For example, the wheelchair they had ordered for him...totally wrong kind since you can't take off one of the arms to slide into it using a sliding board. Lesson learned: train with the professionals before attempting at home!
Don't know what to think about progress of radiation. Graham is able to scissor his legs back and forth very nicely, but hasn't been doing as well lifting them up. Time will tell.
We enjoyed visits today from Gary, as well as Ellen, Rick and Zack. Gary had just received several boxes that he had packed when he was clearing out his and Graham's mom's place after her death. He brought over some of his mom's paintings and sketches for Graham to look at, as well as some old correspondence of theirs that their mom had saved for years. It's always fun going down Memory Lane.
Graham is right now choosing his menu selections for the next week. So far, the food has been pretty tasty. But he doesn't have much of an appetite and is forcing himself to eat. Although he will always eat ice cream, so I make sure to have that on hand for him.
Here's our new contact info for the next couple of weeks:
Graham Green, c/o Manor Care
1150 Tilton Drive
Sunnyvale, CA 94087
And you can reach us on my cellphone: 650-242-2265.
From all the pain medication, or maybe just from whatever cancer is left in his brain, Graham sometimes wakes up very disoriented. Also, when he's very tired and just about to fall asleep, his words don't always make sense.
Today he woke up trying to get out of bed, forgetting that he would fall flat on his face. Oh, the interesting conversations we have when he's in utter la-la land! But then, after a few minutes of that, he either wakes up and snaps out of it, or gets some needed sleep.
So if you have a chat with him when he's sleepy, don't be surprised if the conversation takes an odd turn here and there!
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Sleepy Day Today
Graham slept almost the entire day. Par for the course when it comes to getting radiation. The exhaustion kicks in after a few days. But around 6:30pm, he finally started to perk up. He's in good spirits. And he was able to use his inner thigh muscles today, so that was a good sign.
We thought we would be going to Manor Care in Sunnyvale today, but it took longer than expected to get all the insurance approvals for the ambulance to take him there, as well as to and from his radiation appointments at Stanford each day, so he's staying another night at Stanford, which makes us very happy. They take great care of Graham here.
I have to put in a good word for Aetna. They have never refused anything a doctor requested. They even have folks call us every now and then to ask if there is anything more they can do, are we happy with the medical care we are receiving, etc. Aetna rocks!
Graham gets radiation in the morning and will go by ambulance to Manor Care at 1pm.
Wish us luck in the new place!
We thought we would be going to Manor Care in Sunnyvale today, but it took longer than expected to get all the insurance approvals for the ambulance to take him there, as well as to and from his radiation appointments at Stanford each day, so he's staying another night at Stanford, which makes us very happy. They take great care of Graham here.
I have to put in a good word for Aetna. They have never refused anything a doctor requested. They even have folks call us every now and then to ask if there is anything more they can do, are we happy with the medical care we are receiving, etc. Aetna rocks!
Graham gets radiation in the morning and will go by ambulance to Manor Care at 1pm.
Wish us luck in the new place!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Going to Rehab Thursday Morning
Graham is going to leave Stanford Hospital in the morning and go to a lovely rehab place called Manor Care in Sunnyvale.
Our insurance allows for 5 rehab places in our vicinity. I explored the 3 that people at Stanford generally recommended.
The first one, Lytton Gardens, was DISGUSTING. The only thing it had going for it was that it was close by in Palo Alto. It was so clearly mismanaged. There was debris lying around, signs missing...the place smelled really really bad, hadn't been renovated possibly ever, and there was not a bit of cheer or professionalism anywhere in sight. Their rehab room was a joke. The patients' rooms were unrelentingly depressing and gross. I would send the terrorists in Guantanamo Bay to live in Lytton Gardens. The conditions there would make them talk pretty darn quick. They would long for the good ole days back in Guantanamo.
The second place, Los Altos Sub Acute, seemed decent to me when I first visited it yesterday.
But I think it was just not as horrible as Lytton, so it seemed better than it was. When I went for a second look today at a different hour, it seemed more Lytton-like. Their rehab rooms are very well equipped and staffed, but the living quarters are very depressing. And it was so LOUD and crowded in the rehab rooms in the morning. Graham would hate that.
The third place, Manor Care in Sunnyvale, is lovely. It is very professionally run. It's obvious that they pay attention to details and care about quality. The rehab rooms are well equipped and orderly. They have excellent statistics for the percent of patients who improve in various ways after getting rehab training at Manor Care. It's generally very quiet and serene there. The patients' rooms and lounges are nicely decorated and pleasant. The food looks and smells good. Everyone I spoke with seemed happy to be there. Patients had good things to say about the staff, the rehab and the food. Spouses and daughters of patients were quite happy with the service their loved ones were receiving. The staff has mostly all been there for years, which is a good sign of a well-managed place. They have a decent staff per patient ratio. And I saw a housekeeper scrubbing the outside of a trash basket. Sweet!
The room that is available for Graham right now has a window that overlooks a lovely green area with a beautiful tree and bird feeder. It's a tiny room though, and it is a double. Although right now there's no roommate. His half of the room is so small, there's hardly any room for me to even sit by his bed. Micki can hang out with us during the day, but there's no space for her little doggy-bed. They told me that a private room would hopefully open up in a couple of days, and I can pay $75 extra a day for it, which I am more than happy to do. So hopefully a private more spacious room will become available very soon, or Graham and I will learn what we need to learn super quick, and just go back home. I just don't want Graham to feel rushed. They expect him to need at least 3 weeks to learn how to be as comfortable and safe as possible. Then we can go back home.
THANKS: Thank you so much, Shoma, for the pretty flowers!! That was so kind of you. We appreciate your thoughtfulness.
Our insurance allows for 5 rehab places in our vicinity. I explored the 3 that people at Stanford generally recommended.
The first one, Lytton Gardens, was DISGUSTING. The only thing it had going for it was that it was close by in Palo Alto. It was so clearly mismanaged. There was debris lying around, signs missing...the place smelled really really bad, hadn't been renovated possibly ever, and there was not a bit of cheer or professionalism anywhere in sight. Their rehab room was a joke. The patients' rooms were unrelentingly depressing and gross. I would send the terrorists in Guantanamo Bay to live in Lytton Gardens. The conditions there would make them talk pretty darn quick. They would long for the good ole days back in Guantanamo.
The second place, Los Altos Sub Acute, seemed decent to me when I first visited it yesterday.
But I think it was just not as horrible as Lytton, so it seemed better than it was. When I went for a second look today at a different hour, it seemed more Lytton-like. Their rehab rooms are very well equipped and staffed, but the living quarters are very depressing. And it was so LOUD and crowded in the rehab rooms in the morning. Graham would hate that.
The third place, Manor Care in Sunnyvale, is lovely. It is very professionally run. It's obvious that they pay attention to details and care about quality. The rehab rooms are well equipped and orderly. They have excellent statistics for the percent of patients who improve in various ways after getting rehab training at Manor Care. It's generally very quiet and serene there. The patients' rooms and lounges are nicely decorated and pleasant. The food looks and smells good. Everyone I spoke with seemed happy to be there. Patients had good things to say about the staff, the rehab and the food. Spouses and daughters of patients were quite happy with the service their loved ones were receiving. The staff has mostly all been there for years, which is a good sign of a well-managed place. They have a decent staff per patient ratio. And I saw a housekeeper scrubbing the outside of a trash basket. Sweet!
The room that is available for Graham right now has a window that overlooks a lovely green area with a beautiful tree and bird feeder. It's a tiny room though, and it is a double. Although right now there's no roommate. His half of the room is so small, there's hardly any room for me to even sit by his bed. Micki can hang out with us during the day, but there's no space for her little doggy-bed. They told me that a private room would hopefully open up in a couple of days, and I can pay $75 extra a day for it, which I am more than happy to do. So hopefully a private more spacious room will become available very soon, or Graham and I will learn what we need to learn super quick, and just go back home. I just don't want Graham to feel rushed. They expect him to need at least 3 weeks to learn how to be as comfortable and safe as possible. Then we can go back home.
THANKS: Thank you so much, Shoma, for the pretty flowers!! That was so kind of you. We appreciate your thoughtfulness.
Genentech Folks Send Their Love
Graham had a very mellow day. He was so touched to get a DVD that his co-workers at Genentech had made for him, filled with nice comments, encouragement and interesting updates about people there. A big thank you to Analynn, who made the DVD, and to all those who participated. We really appreciate your thoughtfulness!! And the snacks you sent with the DVD were fun too.
Kim, thanks for the lovely note about how Graham made a difference in your life. It really meant a lot to him.
Laura, thanks for the cheerful balloons and for going to the bank for me. That was so helpful.
Chuck, thanks so much for reattaching that persnickety pump hose in our front garden's fountain. Graham likes his garden looking good!
Joni and Bernard, that was so amazing how you found someone in the hospital to bring Graham some freshly baked, hot from the oven, chocolate chip walnut cookies. Delicious! How did you do that from Florida??
Elliot and Connie, you always find a way to bring delight to our day. Thanks for having Hagen Daz ice cream delivered to Graham's room. Total yumminess!
Alice, thanks for picking Micki up from Pam's and having her stay at your house for the rest of the week. It's so nice of you both to give Micki a home away from home. I'm glad she and your dog, Happy, are having a good time together. I hope Micki doesn't eat all of Happy's food!
Jimmy and Dick, we enjoyed your visit (and the Ball of Whacks). It's always interesting hearing about your latest activities.
Lynn, thanks for the latest beautiful drawings you made for Graham.
Marilyn and Norm, thanks so much for visiting and bringing me homemade food as an alternative to the hospital's cafeteria food. The tomatoes from your garden were so tasty. And we continue to enjoy your beautiful roses.
Gary, thanks so much for the comedy DVDs and for staying with Graham while I explored the rehab places.
Kim, thanks for the lovely note about how Graham made a difference in your life. It really meant a lot to him.
Laura, thanks for the cheerful balloons and for going to the bank for me. That was so helpful.
Chuck, thanks so much for reattaching that persnickety pump hose in our front garden's fountain. Graham likes his garden looking good!
Joni and Bernard, that was so amazing how you found someone in the hospital to bring Graham some freshly baked, hot from the oven, chocolate chip walnut cookies. Delicious! How did you do that from Florida??
Elliot and Connie, you always find a way to bring delight to our day. Thanks for having Hagen Daz ice cream delivered to Graham's room. Total yumminess!
Alice, thanks for picking Micki up from Pam's and having her stay at your house for the rest of the week. It's so nice of you both to give Micki a home away from home. I'm glad she and your dog, Happy, are having a good time together. I hope Micki doesn't eat all of Happy's food!
Jimmy and Dick, we enjoyed your visit (and the Ball of Whacks). It's always interesting hearing about your latest activities.
Lynn, thanks for the latest beautiful drawings you made for Graham.
Marilyn and Norm, thanks so much for visiting and bringing me homemade food as an alternative to the hospital's cafeteria food. The tomatoes from your garden were so tasty. And we continue to enjoy your beautiful roses.
Gary, thanks so much for the comedy DVDs and for staying with Graham while I explored the rehab places.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Physical Therapy
Good news! The new pain meds worked great, so he felt no pain while he was being moved around. AND Graham was able to lift his right leg significantly higher than the day before. He also did some work with a physical therapist and was able to move around better in bed. This means that there's room for improvement and they recommend that he go to a rehab place to learn how to be more mobile and comfortable.
So today I'm going to explore a couple of rehab places.
Occupational therapist is here now, so gotta go!
So today I'm going to explore a couple of rehab places.
Occupational therapist is here now, so gotta go!
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Radiation Helping
Graham is feeling very mellow and comfortable for the most part. Just about the only time when he has pain is when he needs to be moved from his bed to have radiation treatment. Getting moved onto the table and in various positions - ouch! It really hurts his spine where he has the tumors and compressions. He has two areas on his spine where the cancer tumors are compressing it, one that affects his legs and the other that could affect his arms. Oddly, the much bigger compression is on the part that controls the arms, but so far, he still has good use of his arms. And hopefully with the radiation treatment, he always will.
Yesterday, they told us to make sure Graham had extra painkillers an hour before his radiation appointment. We gave him 50% more. But it wasn't enough. And because it was Sunday, and they opened the department just for him (thank you Dr. K and Dr J!!) as an emergency treatment, there were none of the usual nurses or drugs available there. But then I realized, YAY, I have liquid fast-acting morphine in my purse for him! As I reached for it, I then realized, aaaarrrghhhhhhhh, it was actually still in the hospital room - out of the cancer center, across the courtyard, into the next hospital building, down several long hallways. Well, you can imagine how bad I felt for not thinking to bring my purse with me. Oy!!!
So off I zoomed, regretting what a slow runner I am and pledging to get back in shape as each hallway loomed longer and longer. I finally got back after what seemed like an hour, but was probably only 10 minutes. Thankfully though, his pain had subsided after a few minutes and he was doing fine and didn't need any further pain medication. Needless to say, we're going to give him the mother of all painkillers tomorrow AND I will absolutely positively have the liquid morphine with me.
The doctors hope that after about a week of radiation, we may see improvement in Graham's ability to lift his legs. They're hopeful that the paralysis can be reversed in some measure because he's able to wiggle his toes and lift his legs a tiny bit, which he couldn't do when he was first brought in. Also, he feels less numb in his thighs.
Graham is staying in a fabulous private room because they expect the radiation to drop his white cell count. He has a really exquisite view of one of Stanford Hospital's finest gardens. And he has a special bed that can be adjusted infinitely and is super comfortable. His nurses have all been cheerful and competent, and it is soooo great having plenty of staff around when he wants to change position or get out of bed. Because he's still in pretty good shape, he's a heavy guy, so it takes two people to even just move him up a bit in the bed. And when I say two people, I mean two strong people. When Gary (Graham's brother) and I tried to lift Graham up by ourselves, it was a disaster. Gary was plenty strong, but I just couldn't keep up.
As usual, Graham is in good spirits and has a ready smile, and even when he's floating a bit with pain meds, he still makes sure to chat with all the helpers.
Gary has been a constant support, staying with us at the house giving invaluable help, and now that Graham is in the hospital, he visits every day, bringing cheer and humor into the room.
Ellen, Rick and Zack came to visit today, which is always a pleasure. For those of you who have wondered about visiting, the afternoons or evenings are best. Right now he's in Room E42. Just give us a call first to make sure he's not napping or something. The phone number for his room is 650-498-3035.
I have a comfy cot beside Graham, and since our wonderful neighbor Pam is taking care of Micki, I don't need to go home. So to all of the sweet people who have offered to bring us delicious dinners, we won't need any food while we're at the hospital, which I think will be for several more days.
THANKS for all your great emails, cards and calls.
Yesterday, they told us to make sure Graham had extra painkillers an hour before his radiation appointment. We gave him 50% more. But it wasn't enough. And because it was Sunday, and they opened the department just for him (thank you Dr. K and Dr J!!) as an emergency treatment, there were none of the usual nurses or drugs available there. But then I realized, YAY, I have liquid fast-acting morphine in my purse for him! As I reached for it, I then realized, aaaarrrghhhhhhhh, it was actually still in the hospital room - out of the cancer center, across the courtyard, into the next hospital building, down several long hallways. Well, you can imagine how bad I felt for not thinking to bring my purse with me. Oy!!!
So off I zoomed, regretting what a slow runner I am and pledging to get back in shape as each hallway loomed longer and longer. I finally got back after what seemed like an hour, but was probably only 10 minutes. Thankfully though, his pain had subsided after a few minutes and he was doing fine and didn't need any further pain medication. Needless to say, we're going to give him the mother of all painkillers tomorrow AND I will absolutely positively have the liquid morphine with me.
The doctors hope that after about a week of radiation, we may see improvement in Graham's ability to lift his legs. They're hopeful that the paralysis can be reversed in some measure because he's able to wiggle his toes and lift his legs a tiny bit, which he couldn't do when he was first brought in. Also, he feels less numb in his thighs.
Graham is staying in a fabulous private room because they expect the radiation to drop his white cell count. He has a really exquisite view of one of Stanford Hospital's finest gardens. And he has a special bed that can be adjusted infinitely and is super comfortable. His nurses have all been cheerful and competent, and it is soooo great having plenty of staff around when he wants to change position or get out of bed. Because he's still in pretty good shape, he's a heavy guy, so it takes two people to even just move him up a bit in the bed. And when I say two people, I mean two strong people. When Gary (Graham's brother) and I tried to lift Graham up by ourselves, it was a disaster. Gary was plenty strong, but I just couldn't keep up.
As usual, Graham is in good spirits and has a ready smile, and even when he's floating a bit with pain meds, he still makes sure to chat with all the helpers.
Gary has been a constant support, staying with us at the house giving invaluable help, and now that Graham is in the hospital, he visits every day, bringing cheer and humor into the room.
Ellen, Rick and Zack came to visit today, which is always a pleasure. For those of you who have wondered about visiting, the afternoons or evenings are best. Right now he's in Room E42. Just give us a call first to make sure he's not napping or something. The phone number for his room is 650-498-3035.
I have a comfy cot beside Graham, and since our wonderful neighbor Pam is taking care of Micki, I don't need to go home. So to all of the sweet people who have offered to bring us delicious dinners, we won't need any food while we're at the hospital, which I think will be for several more days.
THANKS for all your great emails, cards and calls.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
RELIEF!!!
I'm just home for a quick shower, so I can only give you a brief update. Graham went to the Emergency Room on Friday because the paralysis had gotten drastically worse. They had a wonderful crew of doctors there that night.
It was determined that since the paralysis was advancing so rapidly, it would be bad to wait until Monday to do chemo, that immediate radiation would be the best thing to do. And radiation would also hopefully prevent Graham from losing function of his arms, since that area of the spine was also being compressed.
They also gave him a boatload of steroids to reduce inflammation. Graham can already move his toes more and lift his legs a tiny tiny bit. And that's just the first day!
He'll likely be at Stanford Hospital for 4-5 days. I'm so hoping that he will be able to walk out of Stanford on his own two feet.
THANKS:
Thank you so much, Pam F., for taking care of Micki while we're at the hospital!!! It was so kind of you to offer on the spot when you saw the ambulance at our house.
Wendy T., the challah you brought us was both delicious and incredibly handy. As I was running out the door to the ER, I grabbed the challah, and since we were there from 7pm until 5am, it gave us sustenance.
Elaine H, thanks for the delicious package of goodies! I'm going to bring the treats to the hospital so Graham can enjoy something besides hospital food.
It was determined that since the paralysis was advancing so rapidly, it would be bad to wait until Monday to do chemo, that immediate radiation would be the best thing to do. And radiation would also hopefully prevent Graham from losing function of his arms, since that area of the spine was also being compressed.
They also gave him a boatload of steroids to reduce inflammation. Graham can already move his toes more and lift his legs a tiny tiny bit. And that's just the first day!
He'll likely be at Stanford Hospital for 4-5 days. I'm so hoping that he will be able to walk out of Stanford on his own two feet.
THANKS:
Thank you so much, Pam F., for taking care of Micki while we're at the hospital!!! It was so kind of you to offer on the spot when you saw the ambulance at our house.
Wendy T., the challah you brought us was both delicious and incredibly handy. As I was running out the door to the ER, I grabbed the challah, and since we were there from 7pm until 5am, it gave us sustenance.
Elaine H, thanks for the delicious package of goodies! I'm going to bring the treats to the hospital so Graham can enjoy something besides hospital food.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Don and Eli - Master Ramp Builders; Chemo on Monday
Before I even had a chance to look at Angie's List for a ramp-builder, two friends offered to build it for us. It's hard to bemoan buying our house at the top of the market when it came with such great neighbors. :-)
Building the ramp was magical. Don H came by at 8am to measure the space and design the ramp, and then spent the morning getting the supplies and cutting the boards. Shortly after Don had to leave to go to work, Eli B. came by. He cut a few more items and then put all the pieces together. Don and Eli made a wonderful team without ever even meeting each other, and the ramp was done by 2:30! The ramp works very smoothly, and Graham was so relieved to be able to get outside of the house easily. Thank you, Don and Eli.
Graham continues to surprise me. It's nice when a spouse can still surprise you after 20 years. The man can't even feel his feet, can't walk, can barely stand for more than a few seconds, but he insisted on getting on the exercise bike today. And he rode! Not quite a mile, but he rode. Hey, it's more than I did today!
The good news is that the lab results are back and Graham's white cell count returned to a decent range and he can have more chemo on Monday. If we're very lucky, maybe the chemo will reverse what's happening with his legs.
Today was exhausting for everybody. We had several nursing agency people over to advise us on how to best make Graham comfortable. We stocked up on all kinds of cool medical supplies, like a hospital bed and a shower seat. They have an infinite number of clever devices to help make life easier if mobility is a problem.
But there's just no easy way to "transfer," that is, to get someone from a bed to a wheelchair, or from a wheelchair into a regular chair. If Gary hadn't been here to help, it would have been really hard.
Starting tomorrow we're having a home healthcare aid come in for a few hours a day. She'll help us with the transfers. Not quite sure what else she'll do, but no doubt we'll think of something.
THANKS:
Sarah J and Barry W, your chocolate chip cookies were sooo good. And Hannah W, we love your artwork. It's hanging on our refrigerator.
Hannah W's artwork for Graham
Thank you so much, Joel F, for your wonderful note and stunning flowers. They were a real day-brightener. Your florist is an artist.
Teree F, how delightful to receive a jar of honey from your husband's bee hive! And the Hebrew prayer plaque is lovely.
Jerry and Marie, thanks so much for the very pretty and exotic flowers. Graham really enjoyed their beautiful scent.
Ella, we couldn't resist your apple pie. It's almost all gone already!
Building the ramp was magical. Don H came by at 8am to measure the space and design the ramp, and then spent the morning getting the supplies and cutting the boards. Shortly after Don had to leave to go to work, Eli B. came by. He cut a few more items and then put all the pieces together. Don and Eli made a wonderful team without ever even meeting each other, and the ramp was done by 2:30! The ramp works very smoothly, and Graham was so relieved to be able to get outside of the house easily. Thank you, Don and Eli.
Graham continues to surprise me. It's nice when a spouse can still surprise you after 20 years. The man can't even feel his feet, can't walk, can barely stand for more than a few seconds, but he insisted on getting on the exercise bike today. And he rode! Not quite a mile, but he rode. Hey, it's more than I did today!
The good news is that the lab results are back and Graham's white cell count returned to a decent range and he can have more chemo on Monday. If we're very lucky, maybe the chemo will reverse what's happening with his legs.
Today was exhausting for everybody. We had several nursing agency people over to advise us on how to best make Graham comfortable. We stocked up on all kinds of cool medical supplies, like a hospital bed and a shower seat. They have an infinite number of clever devices to help make life easier if mobility is a problem.
But there's just no easy way to "transfer," that is, to get someone from a bed to a wheelchair, or from a wheelchair into a regular chair. If Gary hadn't been here to help, it would have been really hard.
Starting tomorrow we're having a home healthcare aid come in for a few hours a day. She'll help us with the transfers. Not quite sure what else she'll do, but no doubt we'll think of something.
THANKS:
Sarah J and Barry W, your chocolate chip cookies were sooo good. And Hannah W, we love your artwork. It's hanging on our refrigerator.
Hannah W's artwork for GrahamThank you so much, Joel F, for your wonderful note and stunning flowers. They were a real day-brightener. Your florist is an artist.
Teree F, how delightful to receive a jar of honey from your husband's bee hive! And the Hebrew prayer plaque is lovely.
Jerry and Marie, thanks so much for the very pretty and exotic flowers. Graham really enjoyed their beautiful scent.
Ella, we couldn't resist your apple pie. It's almost all gone already!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Lost Strength in Legs; Know a Good Ramp Builder?
Graham suddenly lost strength in his legs yesterday. He woke up wobbly but able to walk. But by the end of the day, he couldn't even stand for more than a couple of seconds. Amazingly, Graham was in good spirits, certain that this was just a temporary setback. His determination (some would say denial) is working for him. It keeps him in a good frame of mind.
His brother Gary came over. We hung out with Graham in the bedroom and had a "picnic" in bed. And after chatting for a while, we watched a DVD - the Parrots of Telegraph Hill. There were some poignant moments, because the film talks about some of the birds who had become incapacited but still enjoyed life, about some birds who had lost their mates and were sad...
In a surreal sort of way, it was overall a pleasant evening.
Today we tried to get to Stanford for his appointment with the doctor. Even with a walker and a wheelchair, it was just impossible to get down the two stairs to get outside. The steps are too short for the walker to provide any support. And the stairs are too steep to be able to bounce the wheelchair down them.
The visiting nurse was there to show me how to do it, and she said it couldn't safely be done without a ramp. At one point, Graham insisted on trying to walk down and it just wasn't possible. He came so close to falling and cracking his head open. He was so frustrated. He just kept saying, "two days ago, I rode two miles on the exercise bike and was walking fine."
A resource person is coming from the nursing agency tomorrow. Hopefully he can tell me who to contact to build a ramp or if it's something that can be bought somewhere.
If anybody local has the name of a carpenter or handyman who can build a ramp, please let me know! leegreenmo@aol.com
THANKS: A big thank you to Lisa H for making Graham an early Thanksgiving feast, and to Dale L for stocking up our fridge with delicious organic meals for the rest of the week!
His brother Gary came over. We hung out with Graham in the bedroom and had a "picnic" in bed. And after chatting for a while, we watched a DVD - the Parrots of Telegraph Hill. There were some poignant moments, because the film talks about some of the birds who had become incapacited but still enjoyed life, about some birds who had lost their mates and were sad...
In a surreal sort of way, it was overall a pleasant evening.
Today we tried to get to Stanford for his appointment with the doctor. Even with a walker and a wheelchair, it was just impossible to get down the two stairs to get outside. The steps are too short for the walker to provide any support. And the stairs are too steep to be able to bounce the wheelchair down them.
The visiting nurse was there to show me how to do it, and she said it couldn't safely be done without a ramp. At one point, Graham insisted on trying to walk down and it just wasn't possible. He came so close to falling and cracking his head open. He was so frustrated. He just kept saying, "two days ago, I rode two miles on the exercise bike and was walking fine."
A resource person is coming from the nursing agency tomorrow. Hopefully he can tell me who to contact to build a ramp or if it's something that can be bought somewhere.
If anybody local has the name of a carpenter or handyman who can build a ramp, please let me know! leegreenmo@aol.com
THANKS: A big thank you to Lisa H for making Graham an early Thanksgiving feast, and to Dale L for stocking up our fridge with delicious organic meals for the rest of the week!
Monday, November 10, 2008
Dave from St. Louis!
We endeavor to do at least one especially enjoyable activity every day. Lucky for us, our buddy Dave P from St. Louis was in town briefly on his way to a business meeting and we got to join him for lunch and catch up. Graham enjoyed the visit, but just the short walk from the car to the restaurant really zonked him out.Dave, thanks for making time to see us!
Keep in mind who is writing!
I need to clarify the last entry. Graham is still very much in fight mode and has totally not thrown in the towel. Graham and I are very different when it comes to physical stamina and pain. So my view of the situation is not his. I can't stand the thought of him suffering. But for Graham, through all his training for cycling, he's used to the idea of physical stress and enduring through it. This cancer is the challenge of his life, and he feels up for it.
I'd like to think that if I were being tortured by Hamas or Al Qaeda, I'd hold strong. But if I were suffering pain from a disease and not for a cause? Just shoot me. And make it quick. But that's just me.
We have very different advance care directives. Mine basically says that if I drool, have a headache, and possibly just have a bad hair day, don't even think of resuscitating me. Graham's has very elaborate instructions about how badly he needs to be doing before treatment is stopped.
Graham used to love going on certain cycling trails BECAUSE they were hard. If it was scenic but not physically very difficult, it wouldn't be fun for him. To my mind, that's INSANE. Same for choosing a vacation where you ride in the blazing sun up and down crazy steep mountains for 10 days. Not my idea of a good time, but Graham LOVED it.
So please don't let my wimpy attitude give you the wrong impression of how Graham is feeling.
I'd like to think that if I were being tortured by Hamas or Al Qaeda, I'd hold strong. But if I were suffering pain from a disease and not for a cause? Just shoot me. And make it quick. But that's just me.
We have very different advance care directives. Mine basically says that if I drool, have a headache, and possibly just have a bad hair day, don't even think of resuscitating me. Graham's has very elaborate instructions about how badly he needs to be doing before treatment is stopped.
Graham used to love going on certain cycling trails BECAUSE they were hard. If it was scenic but not physically very difficult, it wouldn't be fun for him. To my mind, that's INSANE. Same for choosing a vacation where you ride in the blazing sun up and down crazy steep mountains for 10 days. Not my idea of a good time, but Graham LOVED it.
So please don't let my wimpy attitude give you the wrong impression of how Graham is feeling.
Cancer Sucks
We had a pleasant weekend. The pain medication is keeping things under control and allowing Graham to still enjoy every day.
Saturday, we had a fun visit from Ellen, Rick and their son Zack. (Ellen is the sister of Graham's cousin's husband. ) Zack has an excellent memory for jokes and he tells them really well, so he had us laughing and really cheered Graham up.
Sunday, we went for a long walk around the neighborhood and looked at some pretty condos that were just completed a couple of blocks away. We also went to visit our neighbor Lenny. Such a sweet guy. He ended the visit with a heartfelt prayer.
Friday I got a copy of the PET scan results. Grim!!! It's hard to know whether to pray for Graham to have the strength to hang on or to pray for a merciful death before the pain gets worse and other horrible symptoms develop. The cancer is spreading so fast and in so many places. The report noted "innumerable" locations, particularly in his bones and lungs. What I had hoped was some fat developing in his belly from all the mashed potatoes and ice cream is actually a big load of cancer. There's even cancer in his vocal cords, which is so sad. Graham has such a gorgeous voice. (Years ago, I had a friend who told me her guilty pleasure was to call our house when we were at work just to listen to Graham's voice on our answering machine's outgoing message! )
The hearing in Graham's left ear became muffled on Thursday and has stayed that way. That's likely invasive cancer cells as well.
What can I say? Cancer sucks.
But caring family and friends make it bearable.
Saturday, we had a fun visit from Ellen, Rick and their son Zack. (Ellen is the sister of Graham's cousin's husband. ) Zack has an excellent memory for jokes and he tells them really well, so he had us laughing and really cheered Graham up.
Sunday, we went for a long walk around the neighborhood and looked at some pretty condos that were just completed a couple of blocks away. We also went to visit our neighbor Lenny. Such a sweet guy. He ended the visit with a heartfelt prayer.
Friday I got a copy of the PET scan results. Grim!!! It's hard to know whether to pray for Graham to have the strength to hang on or to pray for a merciful death before the pain gets worse and other horrible symptoms develop. The cancer is spreading so fast and in so many places. The report noted "innumerable" locations, particularly in his bones and lungs. What I had hoped was some fat developing in his belly from all the mashed potatoes and ice cream is actually a big load of cancer. There's even cancer in his vocal cords, which is so sad. Graham has such a gorgeous voice. (Years ago, I had a friend who told me her guilty pleasure was to call our house when we were at work just to listen to Graham's voice on our answering machine's outgoing message! )
The hearing in Graham's left ear became muffled on Thursday and has stayed that way. That's likely invasive cancer cells as well.
What can I say? Cancer sucks.
But caring family and friends make it bearable.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Graham Attended Mom's Funeral by Cell Phone
Today was Graham's mom's funeral. Graham asked that he be called by cell phone so that he could listen in, and it really worked. His cousin Paul was able to stand with his cell phone near where people were speaking, and we heard all the kind comments about his mom, and were able to hear all of the service. We really felt like we were there, which made Graham feel so much better. He was even able to join in when the Mourner's Kaddish was chanted. Thanks, Paul and Gary!His mom's doctor was there and remarked about how incredibly gracious and thoughtful his mom was with her over the years, always asking how she was (and genuinely wanting to know) and thanking her. She said that the vast majority of patients don't do that, which is why Joan was such a beloved and memorable patient for her.
It reminds me of how Graham is with his doctors and nurses, well really with everyone. When he speaks with someone, whether it's a friend, clerk, co-worker or a stranger, he seems to instinctively ponder "what can I do to make this person feel special/appreciated?" I don't know if it's anything he thinks consciously, but that spirit seems to animate his actions and words. He always keeps the other person's feelings and dignity in mind.
The pain meds worked great today. Graham had very little pain and he felt only the slightest bit spacey. We took a nice walk around the block. He rode a mile on his exercise bike, and he even did his floor exercises!
Now he's getting ready for a masseuse from the Cancer Clinic to give him an hour-long massage. If he loves it, I'll see if I can arrange for her to come out to the house every other night.
THANKS: We got a lovely basket of flowers from some wonderful folks that Graham used to work with at Wyeth in St. Louis. Thank you so much, Cassie D, Tony B, Sioni B, Marti B, Robin B and Rob M! We deeply appreciate your thoughtfulness. (If you get a chance, please send me your email addresses. I'd love to send you a personal thank you.)
Thank you Lisa H for the "Sloppy Mommies" (Sloppy Joes made with turkey). It was finger licking good! :-)
The pain meds worked great today. Graham had very little pain and he felt only the slightest bit spacey. We took a nice walk around the block. He rode a mile on his exercise bike, and he even did his floor exercises!
Now he's getting ready for a masseuse from the Cancer Clinic to give him an hour-long massage. If he loves it, I'll see if I can arrange for her to come out to the house every other night.
THANKS: We got a lovely basket of flowers from some wonderful folks that Graham used to work with at Wyeth in St. Louis. Thank you so much, Cassie D, Tony B, Sioni B, Marti B, Robin B and Rob M! We deeply appreciate your thoughtfulness. (If you get a chance, please send me your email addresses. I'd love to send you a personal thank you.)
Thank you Lisa H for the "Sloppy Mommies" (Sloppy Joes made with turkey). It was finger licking good! :-)
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Drugs are Delightful! Scary Test Results.
Drugs rule! At least the right ones do. The vicadin that the radiation doctor had prescribed for Graham didn't do squat for his back pain. But Dr. Advani prescribed him some slow release morphine today that really helped. Yay!!!!
The idea is to maintain a steady dose of morphine throughout the day so the pain never gets out of control, and if it "breaks through," take a little more morphine and it should respond right away. And that's exactly what happened tonight. It is so good to know that Graham has something now that can very quickly take away his pain.
TEST RESULTS
The scan results were mixed. The MRI of the brain showed that the radiation treatment helped reduce the cancer in the brain. That's the good news.
The bad news is the PET-CT scan showed that in the past 3 weeks, the cancer spread tremendously throughout the rest of his body, including more of his bones, which is the probable cause of his back pain. The doctor actually used the phrase "riddled with cancer." There were so many new cancer spots to report, that the scan people hadn't even been able to finish typing the report in time for our appointment. We'll learn all the details on Friday when we can see a copy of the report.
The doctor advised against any further treatment, because she didn't think the small potential benefit outweighed the pain and discomfort involved. But Graham wants to fight to the end, to stay with us as long as possible, just in case some new drug or treatment might come along in the nick of time.
So Dr. Advani agreed to let him try a chemo combo that he hadn't tried before, and to try to do it weekly. But, further bad news...today's blood test revealed his white blood cell neutrophil count (not sure if I have that right) is scary low, 300, so he's not even able to have the first part of the chemo treatment, because it would completely wipe out his white cells. But he was able to have the second part.
Starting tomorrow, he will get Neupogen shots for 5 days, to encourage his white blood cells to grow. And if they reach 1000 by Wednesday, he'll get the other part of the chemo combo then.
Graham and Micki are snoozing away right now, hopefully having some sweet dreams.
The idea is to maintain a steady dose of morphine throughout the day so the pain never gets out of control, and if it "breaks through," take a little more morphine and it should respond right away. And that's exactly what happened tonight. It is so good to know that Graham has something now that can very quickly take away his pain.
TEST RESULTS
The scan results were mixed. The MRI of the brain showed that the radiation treatment helped reduce the cancer in the brain. That's the good news.
The bad news is the PET-CT scan showed that in the past 3 weeks, the cancer spread tremendously throughout the rest of his body, including more of his bones, which is the probable cause of his back pain. The doctor actually used the phrase "riddled with cancer." There were so many new cancer spots to report, that the scan people hadn't even been able to finish typing the report in time for our appointment. We'll learn all the details on Friday when we can see a copy of the report.
The doctor advised against any further treatment, because she didn't think the small potential benefit outweighed the pain and discomfort involved. But Graham wants to fight to the end, to stay with us as long as possible, just in case some new drug or treatment might come along in the nick of time.
So Dr. Advani agreed to let him try a chemo combo that he hadn't tried before, and to try to do it weekly. But, further bad news...today's blood test revealed his white blood cell neutrophil count (not sure if I have that right) is scary low, 300, so he's not even able to have the first part of the chemo treatment, because it would completely wipe out his white cells. But he was able to have the second part.
Starting tomorrow, he will get Neupogen shots for 5 days, to encourage his white blood cells to grow. And if they reach 1000 by Wednesday, he'll get the other part of the chemo combo then.
Graham and Micki are snoozing away right now, hopefully having some sweet dreams.
Back Pain
McCain and Obama both gave such gracious, uplifting speeches. It's a proud day for America as we experience how smoothly and non-violently our democracy works. May God grant President-elect Obama the wisdom and strength necessary to deal with the grave challenges ahead.
Graham had a very bad day yesterday. He was in so much pain from his back. He needed to take pain pills all day, and was sort of dazed and slightly incoherent for much of the day. He had his PET-CT scan yesterday, and lying flat on the hard table for over an hour made the pain worse.
Today, we'll spend most of the day, and likely part of the evening, at Stanford Cancer Center. Graham will have his usual blood tests, then meet with Dr. Advani to hear the results of all the recent scans, and then hopefully start a new round of chemo, probably R-CHOP. We probably won't get home until 9pm.
THANKS: Thanks to the many of you who have kindly sent condolences to Graham regarding his mom's death. Lauren, thanks for the interesting book. Thanks so much, Pam, for the delicious beef stew. Ella, spaseba for the wonderful chicken soup and borscht.
Graham had a very bad day yesterday. He was in so much pain from his back. He needed to take pain pills all day, and was sort of dazed and slightly incoherent for much of the day. He had his PET-CT scan yesterday, and lying flat on the hard table for over an hour made the pain worse.
Today, we'll spend most of the day, and likely part of the evening, at Stanford Cancer Center. Graham will have his usual blood tests, then meet with Dr. Advani to hear the results of all the recent scans, and then hopefully start a new round of chemo, probably R-CHOP. We probably won't get home until 9pm.
THANKS: Thanks to the many of you who have kindly sent condolences to Graham regarding his mom's death. Lauren, thanks for the interesting book. Thanks so much, Pam, for the delicious beef stew. Ella, spaseba for the wonderful chicken soup and borscht.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Graham's mom died today
Graham's mother, Joan, died today. She had recently gone to a nursing home (in Massachusetts) to help her deal with a case of pneumonia, and her doctor thought she had gotten over that. But he recommended she stay in the nursing home to get ongoing care as she regained her balance. She suddenly took a drastic turn for the worse early this morning, lost consciousness, and died very quickly. Graham is very sad that he wasn't able to speak to her one last time, but we're glad that she didn't suffer.
She was a very sweet woman and a talented artist. She was 83. Graham feels so bad that he can't go to her funeral or help his brother with the arrangements. But planes are too germy for him and he just doesn't have the energy to go far from home.
Graham's back pain spread to the other side of his back tonight. A long backrub allowed him to feel better for a short while. He took some pain pills and a sleeping pill, so hopefully he'll be able to sleep through the night and get some relief.
I feel so bad for Graham's brother Gary, who is coping with the loss of his mom and the potential loss of Graham, his only sibling. Thankfully he's very close with his cousins, Karen and Paul.
She was a very sweet woman and a talented artist. She was 83. Graham feels so bad that he can't go to her funeral or help his brother with the arrangements. But planes are too germy for him and he just doesn't have the energy to go far from home.
Graham's back pain spread to the other side of his back tonight. A long backrub allowed him to feel better for a short while. He took some pain pills and a sleeping pill, so hopefully he'll be able to sleep through the night and get some relief.
I feel so bad for Graham's brother Gary, who is coping with the loss of his mom and the potential loss of Graham, his only sibling. Thankfully he's very close with his cousins, Karen and Paul.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Sleepy
Sunday was a very sleepy day. Graham slept until about noon and had his MRI around 3:30. Afterward, we went to dinner with his brother Gary.
Graham's right hand is starting to have a small tremor again, and his gait has changed. He takes very small steps now. He says it is due to a combination of not having much energy and not wanting to jar his back.
Amazingly, Graham found some energy when we got home and rode on the exercise bike for a little while.
Graham's right hand is starting to have a small tremor again, and his gait has changed. He takes very small steps now. He says it is due to a combination of not having much energy and not wanting to jar his back.
Amazingly, Graham found some energy when we got home and rode on the exercise bike for a little while.
What a Pain (in the back)
Graham's back pain is off and on, but when it's on, it can be very difficult. This morning he woke up at 3am to take some vicadin for the first time since April. He can usually get by with Tylenol.
When he's in pain, it's hard for him to find a comfortable position sitting or lying down. Walking feels better, but he doesn't have a lot of energy to keep walking around for long.
The X-ray from last week didn't show any breaks in the ribs, but Graham will be getting an MRI on Sunday and Petscan on Tuesday, where we'll see a lot more detail. On Wednesday, we'll learn the results to see how well the radiation did with the cancer spots in the brain, and we'll see what the cancer is doing elsewhere in the body.
When he's in pain, it's hard for him to find a comfortable position sitting or lying down. Walking feels better, but he doesn't have a lot of energy to keep walking around for long.
The X-ray from last week didn't show any breaks in the ribs, but Graham will be getting an MRI on Sunday and Petscan on Tuesday, where we'll see a lot more detail. On Wednesday, we'll learn the results to see how well the radiation did with the cancer spots in the brain, and we'll see what the cancer is doing elsewhere in the body.
Let's Try That Celebration Again
Graham is such a honey. He decided we should re-celebrate our 20th anniversary, since this year, it had landed on a day when Graham was feeling awful and had ended up unexpectedly in the hospital.
After radiation on Wednesday, we went card shopping. We always get each other several cards.
I like to scatter the cards throughout his day...one by his toothbrush, his breakfast plate, another in his sock drawer...when he was working, I'd put one in his briefcase for him to find at work...then more cards to open at dinner.
Graham's makes his cards to me really special by drawing on the envelopes. It's usually some whimsical version of my name or his latest nickname for me, or having fun with some recent item or quirk. Here's a great one from a few years ago where he was poking fun at the way I mowed the lawn back at our Missouri house.
When Graham mowed, he would do it very methodically in a cross hatch pattern. Then we decided to split the job, with me getting the easy riding lawnmower part and Graham getting the harder weed whacking part. I would just go wild with the mower, zooming every which way, until it finally got done. Ladies, I highly recommend riding lawnmowers. They get the lawn cut quickly and they're akin to sitting on a washer during the spin cycle. Who says that doing chores can't be fun? ;-)
Here's a drawing where Graham was remembering the day we met at a Jewish singles event at Canobie Lake Park, and how the first thing we did together was to go on a roller coaster ride.
Here we are on Saturday having a celebratory dinner at Kincaid's in Burlingame, with a great view of the water (and the planes taking off from the airport).
On the way to dinner, we stopped for a quick visit to the Aviation Museum in San Carlos. We had always wondered what was in there!
THANKS: Thanks, Cary R., for the motherlode of World War II DVDs. Graham has quite the collection now! Lisa H., your grilled burgers and pea/radish salad were fantastic. Rob and Jen M from STL, we were delighted to receive in the mail your beautiful and delicious homemade challah!!
Friday, October 31, 2008
Casting Our Vote; Halloween!
When we moved to California, we signed up to get mail-in ballots for elections. But we don't trust the mail 100%, so we still drop off our ballots in person. It does save us from having to wait in line to vote, which is fabulous. And a mail-in ballot also gives us more time to carefully consider every ballot measure. It was like a part-time job this year trying to figure out all the initiatives on the ballot. Sheesh.
Today, we dropped off our ballots!! We're feeling hopeful that our guy will win. What can I say; we believe in miracles.
Then we went candy shopping for Halloween. Last year, we had so many trick-or-treaters, we actually ran out of candy. I started giving away all my change, then some stuffed animals, then I scrounged our pantry and found some protein bars...So this year, I bought 10 big bags of candy. And lo and behold, it rained and not that many kids came. We only gave out 3 bags. (Good thing we got the exercise bike!)
Graham enjoyed Halloween more this year than usual. He usually just ignores the trick-or-treaters, but this year he wanted to be right in the thick of it. So we sat in chairs on the front doorstep with Micki and our candy bowl and greeted everyone together. The kids were adorable and they loved Micki and our screaming doormat.
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