Palliative vs Curative

Graham watering his many plants on the patio.

To deal with the cancer spots in the brain, Graham is undergoing 18 rounds of radiation. He has about 10 more to go. One can't do chemo at the same time as radiation, so that's on hold for now. It's problematic, because while we save the brain, the cancer in the rest of the body gets a break from chemo and will likely keep growing in his lungs and other places. The symptoms he was getting from the brain lesions - headaches, vision problems, weakening of his right side - were a real quality of life issue. And one of the cancer areas was near a critical point at the base of the skull, so the radiation had to be done.

Radiation involves just a short 15 minute appointment at Stanford each day. Even though it's a quick zap, it really does a number on Graham's energy level. (To see photos of what radiation looks like, check out the "Radiation Rocks" blog item from August 17. )

He has short bursts of energy, but most of the day he feels listless. Friday night we went to services (synagogue), but he just about slept the rest of the day away. Today, Saturday, we went for a walk around the block after lunch... and after dinner, we went to see a movie for the first time in months. I think the last movie we saw was "Counterfeiters," right before all the intensive chemo began. Amazing movie that we highly recommend.

Tonight, we had wanted to see "An American Carol," a spoof on Michael Moore movies, but this area is so one-note, it's not even playing in theatres here. Almost all the rest of the movies playing are such cynical downers, not exactly the mood-lifter we're looking for. Thankfully though, there was one sweet cheerful movie available to see...

In a true act of love, Graham took me to see "Beverly Hills Chihuahua." What a nice guy!! He knows I'm a huge dog fan and would get a kick out of seeing those cute little dogs on the big screen and he was right. :-) Adorable movie with great music and good values. Graham figured he would have to endure it, but he actually ended up enjoying it too and it distracted him from how generally lousy he felt today. He's not in any pain, just exhausted.

This coming week, we'll start meeting with a nurse at our house every week. There's really nothing for her to do right now, but the medical staff think it's a good idea to start a relationship with a hospice service, just to have everything in place and people we like and know for when/if we need them.

Graham has certainly exceeded the doctor's earlier prognosis, but after the extensive brain involvement was discovered, the doctor told us that she considers further treatment palliative and not curative. She feels that there's just too much cancer in his sytem and that these treatments will relieve his worst symptoms and give him a better quality of life, but will only bring some extra time and won't actually stop the cancer. She doesn't feel that the cancer can be reduced enough to start the bone marrow transplant. We've had a hard time accepting that, so I've been really reluctant to write it down. Intellectually we get it, but it just doesn't seem real.

Graham isn't ready to give up though, so he's encouraging the doctor to look for chemo combos he could try when the radiation is over. I'm not sure if she wants to try the methotrexate again. We'll find out more next week.

Maybe we're not being realistic, but we've heard from so many people who were told by their doctors that they only had a few months to live, and years later, they're doing great. Ron E, our neighbor in Missouri, had such an experience, as has my brother's secretary.

If these good people beat the expectations, why not Graham too? We still feel that anything is possible, although we understand it's unlikely. If he can just keep hanging on, maybe some new treatment will come along...

THANKS: We have so many wonderful people to thank this week.

Forsan, it's such a pleasure having you stay with us! Your cheerful moral support and your help fixing things around the house have been invaluable.

In one of those "wow" moments, my neighborhood Bunco buddies stocked our freezer full of meals for those days when I just don't feel like cooking (uh, that would be every day). Thank you so much Pam, Lisa H, Debbie T, Charlene, Nancy, Ruthie, Ruth, Amy S. and Jenny! We've been enjoying the variety.

Harriet G from our synagogue chavurah made us a delicious Hungarian chicken dinner for Shabbat. Thanks, Harriet! It was fabulously tender and tasty. It was great to see you and hear the latest.

We received a lovely "Carolina Breeze" hibiscus plant from Alice Y-Z from Genentech. How sweet of you, Alice! We're looking forward to seeing the beautiful blooms. We have a perfect spot for it on the porch right outside the window where Graham likes to hang out to watch TV.

Thank you, Ella, for the tasty bean soup! Your culinary skills continue to delight us.

Thank you Joan T. and Arline D. for continuing to email us amusing jokes and You Tube links. Laughing really does help.

Paul G and Howard H, thanks for the movie suggestions. We've been looking for funny movie titles to order from Netflix and you came up with a bunch.

Chuck and Pat P, thanks for the gift certificate for Bella's. We love that restaurant. Instead of takeout, we may even go there, because it's so lovely sitting outside, looking at the boats. And they let dogs hang out on the patio, so Micki will get a nice change of scenery too!

Thanks to the many of you for all the great cards, calls and emails. :-)